• 2004 - (2)
• 2005 - (1)
• 2006 - (19)
• 2007 - (28)
• 2008 - (15)
• 2009 - (25)
• 2010 - (10)

* November, 29, 2004

14 I had two dreams in one night that I actually remember. Both are pretty long. I don't know when I fell asleep but all I can remember is me, Tysui, and a friend of mine sitting with me in some restaurant or some Japanese store with walls all over the place, I was 23 or 24, pretty young, the walls were tan colored with wood. I was talking about taking my friend somewhere and she wanted to go. But she had her young brother, 9 or 10 years old. So we left to go somewhere but me and my friend stopped at the entrance and saw the people crowding Tysui like he was some movie star, looking at his sword and asking him strange questions, while he was trapped there, we left him and went to a small room with sliding doors, I think we were in Japan, China, Korea or some place like that. Anyway, while my friend was talking to her brother, two people showed up, old looking like her parents. So we left the boy with them and we went back to the restaurant where Tysui had been, but he was gone, and we didn't know where he was, so my friend and I went to look for him. I think we were in a big place with lots of rooms, like a hotel building or something. With sliding tan doors. I was in front and we went into some room where we searched in a smaller room that was inside the room we where in. my friend said something like, & no one's here so as I started to open the door, I saw a little Chinese boy run from a room a couple doors away from us to the right. The boy was screaming and I wondered why, as I started walking closer to him, I found out why, there was some big dog or wolf like huge creature, its head was only fitting through the door barely. It's month was as big as my whole body, maybe bigger or longer like a alligator. It was drooling and growling like it hadn't eaten in days. And it had white fur and I was pretty sure there was some blood in that fur. Right in front of my eyes it ate the human boy and I think I screamed or did something to make it notice me. I became paralyzed but then I started to run into a nearby room, there was no door so I was sure a goner, but it couldn't fit into the room and its head couldn't bit me, I was so close to its mouth. There was a bed at the side and the wall on the other side, so the head got stuck and couldn't get to me. A few feet away from my body. I don't remember much else after that. But I remember it looking at me with this evil scary killing look. Or some wanted look. Couldn't tell. It was covered in white fur and pretty enormous!

My second dream took place in some hospital or hotel. Not sure, my dream changed pretty fast. I was staying in some hotel with the long tan curtains down from the large window, and the phone on the side, there was some desk and chairs, but I don't remember a bed. I was doing something when the door knocked, I opened the door and there was a nurse or some lady that looked normal human like entered the door and was crying I think. But someone else was holding the alien baby, I think it was the mother. She looked scary, the baby had a huge round head with a red crack on the top. The head looked so round like an egg and had oval big eyes, green or purple, very bright. The baby was starring right at me like it wanted to eat me. The strange red mark on her head was scaring me. I think they knew I was a doctor or something. That's why I think this happened in the hospital. The baby didn't have any hair. Just on oval egg like head. With red big lips and bright green and purple eyes. Then, a bit later, another women came and looked just like the baby that grew up so fast. I don't know, but anyway, she was an alien, maybe a relative or mother of the baby I saw before. Someone else came and introduced her to me, some other women or nurse in white clothes. She was scary. I don't know why she was there. But she had that red mark across her head. She had some sort of bright hair color like purple or green. It was long, she had a dress on and I put out my hand and said some greeting. she took a step back and I think she got scared. But as I took my hand away. She got all scary looking and looked at me if I were her prey. She suddenly had fangs and claws and other strange markings on her body. She was coming towards me. She entered the room as if she was about to kill me. I think I was in my 20's. just then I started complementing her and said she looked beautiful. She smiled. And I said more good stuff to make her happy, and she finally said something that I don't remember. It was like she spoke Spanish or some different strange language. She put the thumbs up sign, and I did too. She laughed, then I said friends? And she said friends. And then she left and I called Tysui on the phone, after locking the door, to get his butt to where I was. The dream ended.

* December, 8 or 9, 2004

14 The door opens, I walk into some lab room, all light and white everywhere, glass and this and machines and that and chemical and such are all there placed on tables I think there is a huge hole in one of the walls, and there is a trail of thick blood from that huge wall to the end of another wall opposite from there, as if someone went through the wall and landed there. And true there is some one there sitting there bleeding as I turn my head, I can't really move, but somehow I see this person and I know who it is from my imagination. He is almost dead and bleeding everywhere, I see rich, thick, fresh blood fill the lines between the white tiles on the floor. His head is down and he is not moving, just there, legs out, just sitting, waiting to regain his strength maybe, or waiting for death. I see his arm resting and it is lacerated many times, all the blood has left his arm, and he can somehow still move it. He is after all, not human, but a certain creature. I think there is a war going on and I have no clue of it. His arm looks like a piece of ham that had been cut over and over in very thin layers. Uncooked, I slide my finger across the lacerated part and it feels awful and yet somehow I like it. Ham warm, just meat inside I see between the cuts. Just dried, fresh, pale, white meat. I know this person and they tell me to leave, to run away, its dangerous here, but the lab looks like a place of safety to me. Yet this person insists that I leave and forget about them, I cannot. They lift their head, and their ears are cut and also bleed, the head is bleeding and the blood runs down their face, their eyes intense with anger and hatred, they almost look evil and mad at me. The blood drops on his clothes, not that their clothes are already completely bloody, severe wounds on their body hints they were in a tough fight. But there is nothing more I can do, I can't even move, and so they say again, with pauses in between words. "Leave me, escape" then I see that their eyes are not as evil as they seem; they show kindness and care, this person is sad for me and maybe for them, too. Almost like they see right through me, it frightens me but I cannot move, I sit there, half frozen like I find myself if many of my awkward dreams, on my knees looking at them. They lift their other arm and touch my cheek, then the arm just rest on the floor again, I think I cry, but not entirely sure. They whisper something, and that is it, the dream is over, I lose it, like many, in the dark void. (Tysui) is that you?

* 2005 ---

15 Well, let's see, I first see 2 people (males, one with shoulder length white hair, kind of looks like Xion, it could be Tyree from my imagination, or Bloody Roar, and the other looks like Naraku from Inuyasha. Inuyasha is where I basically got all my ideas for my own anime character I imagined them, but I created them from my head and somehow they have got into my dreams lately.)(I've created 8 so far) So anyway, these two guys which are fighting over I have NO IDEA WHAT! I am lying on the ground on my side and can see them jumping up very high. I see them both jump in the air and disappear into thin air, and next thing I know, Naraku falls on the ground while Xion's on his feet. The guy on the floor is all cut up and bleeding all over the white tiled floor...I don't personally like Naraku but I like his evil powers...but I feel so bad and I want to do something because I care for all of them and now his chest and half neck is cut with this huge cut and all these other burses....(I can't talk, move, touch, nothing, for some reason, I find myself to always be paralyzed in my dreams) (I CAN ONLY SEE WHAT"S GOING ON) so then the one on his feet transforms back to normal (all of them have different stages of power..uhh did I mention they are all demons expect for three...they're all vampire) so anyway...he's back to normal and now he picks me up by my waist and takes me way up high in the air and I can't breathe, then he sees me and goes back down so quickly that one second we're up in the air, next we're on the ground like a comet.. well I blank out for a while and the next thing I know the one who had me before has me again and now we're on this bridge (in the mountains) and he's "kind of flying" over it with me in one arm and there's this dragon who's all purple/blue/dark pink/ aqua/ lavender/ violet/ indigo/blue violet (my favorite colors) and it shoots flames out of it's mouth which are also blue violet. Then I'm down on the end of the bridge with these HUMANS, all old Medieval time young soldiers (or at least they're dressed like it) and the dragon burns half the bridge (even though it's stone) but anyway, the soldiers start to make this ladder with these big thick red tape things and I'm handing the tape to them while they put it on the wall to climb up to the bridge where the dragon is. (They make two ladders) Ours is slow because of ME! (weird thing; I'm the only female in my whole dream) so I blank out again!- and then this other guy shows up (who I also created) and he's like return her to us...and the one holding me is like NO! And I can't do a single damn thing about it. (like I'm paralyzed) so he puts me down for a while on a rooftop (we're in either China or Japan-because all those buildings and houses with those weird hats are all over the place and we're in the mountains) the one who said to let me go can't transform for sum reason and now he just starts running from rooftop to rooftop and I'm like "uhhhhh..Ahhhahhh(acting all dumb!- I CAN'T MOVE YOU KNOW) So the other transforms right away and runs after the other and yet they are like brothers (they are all related in one way or another and are all family-they also have an older sister) (so that makes 9 unnatural siblings)(no Parents, I created them in my head for now, one day they will be REAL and I their mother) (me: creator of them-I decide what happens to them-right-WRONG) well, he kind of drops me but then picks me up while I'm still falling and I don't even scream because I just want to wake up (I have these kinds of dreams all the time and I know what is fake and what is real! So I see the guy running from rooftop to rooftop and he looks up at me then starts to run again.and I know he's going to die if he doesn't hurry up and transform. And I lose the dream and it ends right there, at the rising action part!

* 2006 ---

15 Can't remember everything, but we live in a cream scarlet maroon house with long walls. There is a storm outside and it is night time, the door is closed, but then the door rings and I run down the stairs to open the door, no one is there in the house. All of a sudden, there are kids and little bugs and insects all over the entry, I don't open the chain door, only the solid, so the kids leave and the bugs I shooo away, then I open the wired chain door for some reason and there comes in a wet little black kitten, all wet with white spots here and there. I'm confused and not scared of the cat for some reason; the cat just walks over to the sofa and sits there. I don't know what to do, then mother appears out of no where and tells me to get the cat some milk, I go to the kitchen and grab a small bowl and fill it with milk, I bring the milk back out and put it before the cat. The kitten starts sipping the milk and I don't remember anymore. Sorry. But I think the milk spills and the cat does it. I get upset because the milk the cat didn't even drink but spilled over the carpet.

* April or May, 2006

15 I was in the hallway, waiting for an elevator to come to the 10h floor, I was in school clothes, so the elevator comes, but as the door opens, I see a huge dog, as big as the elevator itself, 10 feet tall. I push the close button on the wall, but the dog, smart (WTF) pushes the open button in the elevator, so the fight goes on until I get tired and so I let go for a second and the elevator opens, the dog walks out of the elevator and the elevator closes and leaves the 10th floor. I'm on my knees. The dog looks at me. I think it's going to eat me alive ahh. I get mad and get up then I kick the dog and start yelling at it. Suddenly it growls but turns or shrinks to maybe like 2 feet tall. All cute and nice. I am about to pet it when it growls I realize this is bad and start to run, but it bites me on the leg, and I fall on the carpet & I wake up

* April, 15, 2006 close to morning time

15 I saw a white man with short brown hair, almost like coffee color, and a woman which reminded my of my own mother, long black hair and light to dark skin. The man and woman seemed to me that they were husband and wife, normal humans in a big mansion somewhere in the deep forest of Europe. Even though I couldn't hear what they said, they seemed to me that they had an accent of old 1800's Europe. I thought nothing of it. The entire house was always not exactly bright, but this mixture of sunlight and cream color, every corner of the house had the same color of this light gold and shadows were very light as well. At night the house would fall from being cream all day to dark navy blue and black where all the shadows would be. I never saw the man and woman much but one day a young girl about 20 or 25 showed up at their house. I am sure that she was a maid. The man was full of human radiant color, but the wife was always light pale or cream like the house. Now this maid began to do all the work for the two of them, she had long light brown hair that curled down to her hips, she always had them opened and perfect. I am sure she had blue-green eyes and light pink lips. She wore a long white dress with many laces and yellow ribbons along with an apron white and red. Her skin was perfect with no vines, light white skin, not pale but full of human color. She was tall and slim, a perfect hourglass body. I noticed that she didn't sleep in her room, but in the large halls outside with large cream columns. She slept between the columns. One morning for some reason she woke up early and saw a young child that kind of crawled up and disappeared between two columns. The child reminded me of her, and I'm sure she thought the same thing. A little white dress and long light brown hair. Frightened, she went to the master's room and saw that it was still dark, the night was old, but the sun was not up yet. She went to the bed of the master and saw that the mistress was dead, it seemed to the maid. The master called her over, but she was frightened by him, before she knew it, she was sitting in his lap and he starred at her with keen eyes, large green eyes. I saw the outline, the outer lines of the two of them on the bed, the sun's rays hitting against the large window in the back. They were like dark shadows, the master held the maid by the shoulders and brought her down, she was almost a life-less doll. Hypnotized by the eyes of the master. He hugged her but then sand his teeth into the maid's neck. She didn't scream or try to struggle, rich red blood spilled from the god-like maiden and she had a flashback. That night earlier, before she had seen the ghost-child, because they didn't have any children, the master was ripping the mistress nails from her hand with his teeth; she was in pain and screaming. Her nails were more like thick white claws. And when she screamed. The maids saw long fangs in the mistress mouth. Her nails were bleeding, he bit them and threw them out of his mouth, the master had yellow eyes, and the mistress had red eyes. Her hair flying everywhere on the bed, the darkness of her hair covering every thought of her. The maid awoke on her bed and in her room. She didn't know how she got there, but she rose and saw a huge mirror on the wall, she looked at herself in it. Every inch of her body, she looked at her arms, but she couldn't find any marks on her body, she didn't look on the side of her neck. Sometimes we have dreams that we are not in, either we are there to see or narrate the dream, maybe we are linked to someone else's dream and we don't belong in it. Other times, we are in the future or the past of others or ourselves. Encountering something that has already happened or will happen. But do we realize that maybe we are someone in the dream yet we can't even recognize ourselves because we are so different and changed. Are these dreams telling us to watch out, are they warning us? Or are we fools to over think silly make belief dreams.

* July, 30, 2006- close to morning time

16 I've had this dream before once in the dream realm, but why is the same dream coming again into my thoughts, so I have decided to write this dream, not that it is important, but that maybe there is a reason that sometimes I have the same dream, well, this one is rather strange, almost like a movie, I am not in this dream but perhaps watching it from a movie theater screen. It starts with a little baby, all alone in a yard with a blue shirt and light brown hair, he has blue eyes and a beautiful smile, his mother calls him and comes to get him, then he is gone into the white creamy house that is his parents. Later, he notices that he is five years old and that everything in the world he lives in is gray and white, creamy to say, everything is perfect, he has a great life, a beautiful home and wonderful parents, a quiet neighbor with golden retrievers running and playing with their owners. The streets are clean, the world is perfect, and the sun never hides itself from their utopian world. Then one day he notices that he is a teen, around 15 or 16 and there is someone new moving into their neighbor, he is happy because with the family moving in, there is a boy with golden hair and bright blue eyes that comes over the this main characters house. They become friends and love to go on adventures, there is no tension, school is only 3 hours long, no worries at all, one day the two boys decide to go to another place rather than the neighbor, for all his life, the young boy has lived in this neighbor and he asks his friend what is outside of this neighbor, but the boy does not know, he says I used to live four blocks from here, the street just keeps going and going, it never ends. Well, the curiosity of the boy gets the better of him and so he and his friend get in their little flying ship and go to the end of the street, it takes forever, but they just keep going, until they get to the ocean, a wide water land that if they step on, they sink, and boys decide to go further and so they do. While traveling the ocean, they see a small piece of island in the middle of nowhere, it looks like a dark hill with no returning, but they go there and land on the pier that is there, they stop the ship and walk into a door that is more of a cave, they walk in complete silence and darkness until they fall, they fall and scream to their death, but instead, they land in a room, like a slaughter house for farm animals. The walls are all painted red and they had black edges on the bottom. It was as if the walls were painted with blood. But the boys had never seen this type of place, so they got up, but just then, they heard some howls and dog noises. They ran and hid in a corner of a big machine with levers and buttons. They from the one of the four large cave doors came four wolves like creatures, with human like bodies, all standing up, but with faces of wolves and hair all over their bodies. In front of the three creatures was a woman life figure of a wolf with gray fur and black little clothes covering her chest and lower half of the body. She looked terrifying and very dangerous, it set fear in both the boys, they had very seen such creatures, but they did not make a noise. The wolves were talking, and the boys understood, they were arguing about what to do with the humans in the crusher but just as they almost went into another door, the boys started to move, and the dark wolf woman in the black heard them and yelled in an unspeakable manner, she shattered the boys memory but them made a run for it, the wolves caught them and took them into one of the cave doors. The boys were scared to death; they knew they were going to die. But the wolf leader who was the woman with the black fur and black clothes told them leave, you are free to go in a horrible tone, the boys ran out the door and went back to the pier and left to never speak another word of what had happened again, but that was not the end of the movie, a few days later, they started to talk about it to their parents, and their parents denied all of it, they said to stop making up lies, and so both boys were never to be let out of their houses. They talked about it on the phone, but it wasn't enough, they wanted to know what those things were, what were they, who were they, where were they on their planet. One day the main character father took both of the boys on a fishing trip, they went to a pier and stopped there, the boys asked what there were doing on a pier, but the father with a captains hat did not say. He gave them pirate clothes and to put them on the boys were soon dressed as pirates and both had little wooden swords that couldn't cut paper. But they were happy, pretending to be pirates, they forgot all about fishing and play fighting as real pirates. The boy's father asked that if the boy knew if he had an older brother, but the boy said no, I don't have any brothers, I'm an only child. But the father shook his head, and told the boy that he had an older brother who was bad and so he went away, the boy asked where did his older brother go, and the father said would you like to know, the boy said sure, and the father said okay, son, goodbye, you were just as bad as you other four brothers and three sister the son did not understand but. Then when the father drove away, both the boys shouted at him as he disappeared from the horizon line of the ocean then the wolf creatures appeared again from behind a huge rock and laughed and snorted as the boys screamed and tried to fight the wolves. But it was no use, then the boys ran all around the top level of the island, and they saw that is was a base. A large floor with blood smeared everywhere, and nets and large cranes and machines everywhere, dark steel metals and ropes hanging everywhere, the boys were full of horror; they ran all around until the boy was a huge door open in the middle of the floor. Two thick steel doors opened from the middle half and the smell of blood was everywhere, the boy went close to see what it was and he saw that the two doors that were opening had huge pointy thorns to crush whatever fell into the box of blood, but after closer examinations the boy realized that the box was full of bodies. He went closer and heard a scream; it was his friend who was falling into the box while the wolves laughed. He was afraid, the friend told him to run, and then his body was crushed by the two metal doors squeezed the life and blood out of him. He was gone, his crushed body landed with the rest of the other corpse that were already there, the boy was frozen, shocked, he was standing on a wooden plank. And as he began to move further away slowly backing up, something pushed him with a horrendous scream and the boy fell, remembering all the times and memories he could of his past, the baby pictures, the infant, laughing with mother, playing with father, fighting with friends, helping others. And being a good student and person, he remembered finding pictures of people that looked like him but his parents had told him they were just friends. Brother, goodbye world he cried out as he fell to his death, the metal doors closed shut on his body and he was gone from this world. I woke up it was early morning, around 5 am. And I was sad at what I had seen. A good person dead because he lived in a world that was controlled by the wolf-creatures and the parents gave their children away if they did anything bad so as long as the children were killed, the parents would live in a perfect society living for eternity that the wolves had granted to them.

* July, 2006

16 This dream was strange, I was in a big old castle with broken cement floors and walls had cracks in them. The castle was enormous and all the rooms were gray and dark with no warm feelings, the air was cold and everything set fear in my soul. The sky was very dark with gray colors; there was always a crescent moon in the sky with dark black cloud. I was always the same, like a dead doll and there was nothing more to life then waking up and going back to sleep, there was barely any furniture in the castle, and it was cold and damp always, but in the back of the castle there was a garden where I would go along with many other children all dressed in pale white dresses and long hair, my hair was always dark black and some kids had angel like golden hair. But I had pale skin and they had skin that glowed, soon, all those children disappeared, one day, out in the garden, I was just walking around with the few other kids picking flowers, the only color of flowers that grew in the garden was white, was picking flowers depressed when I noticed a door in the corner of a fence, I went closer and touched the door, the door fell open and there was a tunnel, I crawled through the tunnel and then there was a little garden area with dark scary statues of demons and monsters. And then I saw another door in a wall I pushed on the door which was about three feet tall, and the chained door fell open, I walked in and the place was completely dark, I walked really carefully and then I felt a downward floor. Stairs I thought and I slowly went down them, then I could see a little yellow light coming from below, at the bottom of the stairs, I saw a light Japanese wall with yellow paper. I walked around the wall and I saw that there was a whole room down there, a secret room none of us knew about, there was a fireplace and a table and carpets and rugs and curtains and a very large wooden chair with rubies in it then, beside the chair, I noticed a small door and I carefully went to the door and went into another room, this room was also in complete darkness and I could see stairs from a little dark light that the windows let through. I slowly walked up the stairs and they just kept going and going in a square upwards, until finally I saw a large window and there was a machine with dolls with blood all over them, a machine with wheels that rolled the dolls, (they looked as if they were babies. Live ones. Real ones) or more like babies, into a large brown straw basket on the ground I looked out the window there, and saw a perfect picture of the garden with the children walking here and there, then I heard a noise and I took one of the dolls and slowly went down the stairs again. But when I got to the little door in the secret room, I saw a man, a very tall man with silver long hair to his knees and pale skin, his hands had pointy nails like claws and he was just sitting there looking at something out of the window, not moving, not even breathing or blinking. I could see him but he could not, I was staring right at him from the right side, but he was looking straight ahead, if he turned his head a little to the right, he would see me, but he didn't, he was wearing dark maroon clothes and golden chains and buttons. His face had a determined look on it. I slowly started to walk behind him and I was slowly walking up the stairs when I heard a noise, I walked even faster and I got out of the little fenced door in the wall, I was on my knees crawling out of the wall when I saw a figure standing right in front of me, I got up and looked at who it was, and it was that man I saw in the room looking out the window, he looked at me with hatred and then he smiled at me I don't know what happened next, I just lost the dream.

* August, 2006

16 I can't really remember where I started this dream or where I was to be exact, but me and this other person, that was taller than me and kind of reminded me of my brother, he and I were both in this desert area, it looked small because we were just sitting there, almost like a sand box, but in fact, I believe that we were actually in a desert quite large we were just sitting there laughing at something and then I started to brush on the sand I touched something hard, it seemed to be a diamond that I had found in the desert, is that even possible, well, my dreams have many metaphors and this was no different. Then the person I was laughing with found another diamond, I can't remember if I had the bigger diamond or he, but I think it was me, then after a while we got tired and he just started walking around and I sat near him there was light wind and it brushed some sand off of a little sand hill about as big as an ant hill, I was just looking really closely into the cave the wind had found in the hill. And there I saw a dark brown oval head, I was sure that it was something dangerous and that it might hurt us, I realized that is was a snake hiding in the sand probably waiting for a meal and it might be me, then the person came over with a grin on his face, just strolling towards me, and then the snake moved, it came out of the little cave and straight for me, I got up and started to run, but it somehow jumped into the air, not flying but jumping towards my arm, now this is where I don't remember much, I was between the dream realm and the dark night in reality. I was between sleep and awake. But I think that it bit me, but the person whoever he was, got hold of the snake and got it off my arm and then the snake went after him, or just as the snake was about to bite me, fangs ready to sink deep into my flesh and release poison, the rattlesnake was pulled back with tremendous force and I think that he got hold of the snakes tail and pulled it towards him, anyways, the snake went after him and bit him on this right arm and I was just frozen, I could not move, I was shocked, I couldn't do anything, the person didn't make a single noise, he just fell to his knees and didn't look at the snake but me I don't know who this person was but I was not able to help him in any matter, I am ashamed of ever looking into that persons eyes, he helped me but I in return betrayed me. In my heart, I wish to meet this person who did such a brave thing and saved my mortal life, but than again. My mind disagrees with this effect of the heart and I know that human shame would fall upon me if I did meet this person, so perhaps it is best that this person did not have to know me, and I not know them. I feel as if my body was just a shell and I am losing touch with my body, my mind is beyond it's reach and as these words I type become shattered in my eyes vision, I want to know who it was that did such a deed, for me.

I feel the need to write, for just some reason, type just keep typing and never stopping, a story I want to tell, just something that I wish to tell the people that might read this and be confused by what they read, but I can't because what I want to say is too much, and it would take me an eternity to type this so I will not and just hope that one day, someone like me has the time to write what I want to, but the dust the time glass holds on my name is soon to expire, in just a few more centuries. This that I write will not be known by anyone or anything, forgive my stern structure. But this I think is the best I can do. I do not mention the likes of my heart, or soul, just the imagination that leaks out here and then, but I do not speak of those that I see, which is why I type to free myself from them, but sadly I am here to know that there is meaning for life and there is a path I must take in order to steel my life back from these unimportant souls. My so called parents, the one that bore me in this world. Thus, I am not satisfied by this. I need them to sacrifice their life and deal with. The fact that I am still here having to deal with these two is not what I wish for life. This Capricorn and Cancer that I must deal with, the mother and father of the horoscope that are of complete opposites. The horoscope of this is what I deal with all my life and now there is a life time of suffering and punishment and structure that I have to deal with.

* September, 16, 2006 early night

16 I saw a movie really late at night and I am not sure if that is what caused my dreams to go corrupt, but something pointed to the fact that I was not just dreaming, but somehow in a real life situation where I was trapped and there was no way to just go back to the way things were before I knew what I was, I was born with a few silver hairs and two teeth, and after some further research, I realized that all of my strange life has been caused by my awkward habits, not sure if all this relates to the vampire traits, though many I tell get lost with what I have just told them. I hope that I am just in a dream world, last nights dreams are rather can I say, nasty, yes, I will not speak of the first one I encountered, but I can write about the second one, the movie Cursed is a very interesting movie where siblings are affected by a bite from a werewolf, and the story continues from there, they become werewolves or a similar breed of human wolves known as lycanthropes. On there hands is a marked star in deep maroon blood. And in my second dream, my mother is telling me something, but I am unable to hear what she is saying, and then she shows me her hand, it has deep holes, some small, some big, and they disappear when she is not mad. I look at my hand and they are there also, I am very scared. Then I look at my hand again, and the marks are all gone, no red lines connecting dots, nor deep holes in my hands, then I just black out, and I wake up to see my brother, he is making my mad, and I look at my hand, and there it is again, the marks only appears when I am angry, and I get scared. End of dream.

* September, 21, 2006

For the past week, I have been having strange dreams I cannot or wish not to explain what is there, they are rather very different from what I am normally used to, I cannot remember some of them because I have far too much work to handle and there is not any time for myself, so I find little time right now and I can type at least this much, but the dreams I have are just not for words'they are not full of horror or action, but the opposite, they have scenes of love and other emotions that I truly despise, with strange beings I do not know and not like, some even appear to be dead yet move like corpses. They are horrible, and they find me and touch me with they're dead cold bony hands. They are better forgotten. They are like puppets.

* September, 28, 2006 sometime around Thursday night

16 I woke on Thursday morning to find that I had a short dream about a certain someone I was somewhat close to, he reminded me of someone. In 7th grade, my introduction to biology and living organism's class was the best year of science in my life. The entire year, I was always the only one to get the highest grade in that class. I also loved the class not only because I am fond of biology, but also the fact that it was an easy year for me and the teacher that we were provided with was amazing. His name was Mr. Kim. (M.) But entire name was Sung Wong Kim. He was from Japan and had a younger brother about 20 years old who we wrote letters to during the early stages of war when the reign of President Washington Bush started. I can still remember the last thing I said to him before I left and we have never seen each other again. Now Mr. Kim at first, I kind of felt weird around, but as time progressed, I enjoyed the class, his room, his lectures, his silly warm-ups and homework; we barely did any work out of class. Our projects were very easy and if someone happened to ask anyone who shared the same class with me or the year, there began rumors that he liked me. Yet Mr. Kim was 23 years old, and I was only 12 years old, still, the rumors talked of me because he gave me straight As all year long, and I did all my work, I did super hard work to receive all As in his class, I was in a way, you can say, obsessed with passing his class, I was more obsessed with the learning itself, the knowledge was new to me and I was always fascinated or spellbound to the class, I never got sick of that class, and never missed a single day of it. I even got triple As on a project one time and I was the odd one because I had chosen such a strange combination of couples in the experiment and project. I chose Sandy Cheeks and Plankton from Spongebob Squarepants. Every student laughed at me for wasting time on such a horrible couple and what their children would be like. The cross inheritance where two different chromosomes fit in to make the offspring. Their DNA was a mess when I did the project, and for that fact that I had chosen the odd one. I received 3 As on that project. Now many became jealous of me and I did not know of this until the year was finished. Even though I do not mention him because I had almost lost him, I had truly forgotten all about him until I had this dream and I remembered him again. How strange that he of all times show up in my dreams. I remember the smiles and the laughter we all shared, he always did pick on me more and we had this thing where he, in the beginning of the year, touch my shoulders and I got mad and I had told me to stop doing that I would not consider him a pervert, just a nice friendly teacher. But afterwards, he would still do what I had told him not to. Expect he would not touch me, just hover his hands above my skin and say, I'm not touching you ooohh now that I think of it, I miss it. I don't know why I ever yelled at him. We don't appreciate things until they are completely gone, only left in a far distant memory. He would do that whenever we had class work or just some free time, the other girls and guys looked at me funny. But I did not care, I have happy that al least I was appreciated by the teacher, if not anyone else. He was talented, smart, and very energetic, a strong willed person, but many considered him a weird teacher, and he would draw himself in stick figure form when ever he was trying to explain something, with spiky hair and round glasses, I laughed at those stick figures and I still do when I think of them. I kept every last paper I was given in that year, but sadly the papers were of no use to me, I already knew everything extra and more from 7th grade, so last year, those papers met a sad and tragic end. There is so much I want to say, so much I want to write so I will, because I am afraid that if I don't, I will forget the far past. I don't want to forget this one person who made me feel happy inside, this one person really made me laugh in real life, not those fake laughs I conger up to fit in crowds like now-a-days. In my dream, when I first saw him just sitting in the end of a white hall, it was not a hospital, or maybe it was, I don't know, I know that the walls were white and creamy. And there was a desk at the end, where two men sat, one was him, and the other some guy with brown hair is all I say. I was there with my friends or someone I think. And I asked them how I looked. Now I have never cared about how I look, but I had this feeling to look nice, I don't know what they said to me in return, but than I found myself in a bathroom looking in the mirror. This is where I was a little shocked; I had my hair in two ponytails just fluffed in the air, standing up with gel I think. I hate gel, and I had gel I think, or maybe my hair was just very puffy and up on its own, anyhow, I had bangs and very sharp ones, coving half my face and my skin was very dark for some reason, darker than it is now, I think I had a tan, I hate tans. I was wearing some dark violet short mini dress that showed most of my skin. I had dark lipstick on and black eye shadow, I was wearing make-up and a little dress all this stuff so far in my dream I was shocked at because I did like any of that stuff, and here I was, caught red handed with it. But then I went out of the bathroom and into the hall, I did see someone sitting there by the desk, I thought I was Mr. Kim and I began to walk towards him with great joy, it was probably the only time I have been so happy to see anyone, no, it actually it the most happiest moment in all of my dreams and reality. I was so happy that I wanted to scream like a little girl and run to see him. But I didn't, I kept walking slowly and when I got to the desk, I realized that it was not him, but some other elderly teacher, he kind of looked like Mr. Dennis the sponsor of anime club right now(2006-2007) but he looked kind of mean and had a mustache I think. And he had white and red/orange hair, and he was half bald. Disappointed I asked him where the other teacher he had been talking to went. And the teacher was just about to say something when someone came out of the room next to the desk. And I was Mr. Kim, I just stared blankly at him and just kind of froze sort to speak, but ironically, it had been me who wanted to see him, but now it was him, oh how the tables turn on us mortals so quickly. But he smiled when he saw me, it was as if he had known I was there but didn't come to me, because he knew I would come to him, but in other terms, he actually did not know I was there. Where ever we happened to be in my random dream. My dreams are very random; I remember things and see things from the future, all different types of dreams, all very strange. But this had a person I really had forgotten until I had this dream. In the past; I'm sure he liked Miss (Mlle) Kulak, she was married (Mme) I think, not sure for certain, but I saw them two about three times together at the end of the year, and I felt bad in my heart for some reason, I felt like I had done something wrong, but I don't know, I cannot be too sure it has been too long. I felt like I was betrayed but I didn't ever say anything, I began to place that fake smile on my face again when I saw them in the classroom, she would come and visit the class every now and then, they would always smile at each other and whisper stuff to one another, I felt left out. I don't know why, I did not care for anything or anyone, but for some reason, if felt sad inside, I even had to interview her that year for a different class assessment and I went in all happy just thinking of the interview, and in the end, when I was leaving, I was Mr. Kim come smiling towards me and then he began talking to her, I yelled at him after school that year one time, also the fact that I wanted to get attention from this kid I kind of liked because he had a twin, I like twins for some reason, I like to cut them up and see if they are the same but, that is just me, I fantasize about clones and creatures and what biology may hold for us in the close future. I never really found a reason to love anyone, it destroys the mere reason and purpose we live, once we find love, everything we hold dear is damned to eternally hell as long is that one loves you. If they die, you wish to die, but now-a-days, love has altered its true meaning from romance, now it is just a phase we humans suffer through to see what or who we like and what type of people we may hold reason to live. But anyway, in my dream, he started to say stuff, and I lost the dream, them a while later I was back to that same dream and we were sitting at the desk laughing and talking about things I can not recall. I was just amazed to see him again, I had not seen him in so long, and I already knew we would not meet in this large round world. And next thing I know, he, I think, turns into a book and I am carrying the book away. I think that I hug the book, but I cannot remember for sure. I do not know what this sudden change of atmosphere and thoughts altered so quickly had anything to do with the dream I was in alliance with, this quiet paradise ended horribly, I still cannot comprehend what went through my mind when I thought of that person turning into a book. I'll come see you at the hospital. I had promised on the last day of 7th grade school year. But that hold much lie to the truth, for I have not seen him since ever that time passed beneath our feet.

I unearth you where the two never have crossed in such a erroneous epoch, I desire I might glimpse the likes of you once more and we witness the sunset just once in this lifetime of mortals, even though you subsist for eternity, I do not and I yearn that you would reconsider becoming a true human rather than me having to go through any further agony than I have already just for the sake that you will be here beside me, I hope that you find this in your mind and soul to be more assuring and that your heart is not pleased with your decision just as I am unhappy with what thou hast chosen for us both, our twine souls will only suffer and mingle in the lights and darks of the realms we provide from our sides, for as long as life allows me to breathe, please reassess your judgments, and this is not a command, but a mere suggestion for what I say may hold some value to you, be it that fact holds me upon a females faults. Recommended by the state, alliance yourself to the code of honor that all men have pledged upon and strife no longer than when surrounded by the likes of a horrid human such as I or the human world. I miss the truth. And I know that you miss it just as much as I do. I now see that you never really cared for either of us, but only to fix your faults, which you have, I aided you in your time of need, now I require that you return the favor, or God have mercy on your devil's soul.

* October, 9, 2006 during early night time

16 Had this strange dream about the two most strongest men I know from any anime ever created. Not my own, for if my own characters were I to compare them with these two men, they wouldn't stand a chance against my creations. But who is to say that they are not strong, one was Sephiroth (Sep) and the other was Sesshoumoru (Ses), and for some reason, they were fighting in the middle of some deep dark ocean, dark blue with just a few waves and not much action in the water, but above it. They were floating or flying I don't know which one for sure, but they were fighting about 20 feet above the water and I was just there, somehow, just watching, or maybe it was a camera that was moving, because one moment, I would be watching them fight from one angel, then, I would see them from another angel, and so on and so forth. But the weird thing is what happens next, the picture blanks out and comes back into view of Sep's back, and he does this spinning attack that Ses dodges with ease, than right when Ses is about to attack Sep, Sep just disappears and we don't see him anywhere, all we hear is a huge SPLASHHHHH..and we all worry what happened to him, maybe he just disappeared because he is an angel and can do that, but then again he could be under water, but uhhh, why? So we see the water ripples like after it splashes when someone throws a rock in a puddle and that splash happens and the noise is heard and then the ripples go out in every direction, (well this was like that except this was 1,000,000,000 times worse than that.) While everyone is confused and lost and looking around for Sep. another loud splash is heard and the water ripples again. This times Ses is gone, and we see this ENORMOUS CREATURE all dark green, kind of like the purple dragon in my past dream but this was a huge greenish, blackish, grayish, and lots of bluish colors like scales on a fish, a huge flat thick tail is seen right below the surface of the water and then the creature disappears and the dream ends. I am shocked at what I see, this is the most horrible thing ever that has happened to me in my dreams ever in the past and I wonder what this dream could mean, I surely don't have any answer, but maybe I am linked to these two and I just don't know it yet.

* Sunday night, October, 22, 2006

16 I hear this strange noise in the back of my head, and I cannot put my finger on what it is, like a slpack, slosh, slacks something with a clawing noise, like someone is clawing at my pillow and I hear the vibrations or something. With one finger I think, just this clawing noise. As if someone is trying to ripe open the pillow or something. But then there is this splotchy noise, like something is dripping from the ceiling. I look up but nothing. I look around for some time, and I keep returning my eyes at the fireplace, like there is something there, and is I type I feel a little uneasy like I see something in the bricks. I feel a little scared, and I see something shiny, a little black hole, like the brick is burned out. Can things come in the house through the chimney? Just wondering, or maybe It is the some of my typing that is annoying the creatures in there. I type loud, not quiet like many, and this keyboard is loud as well, I hate the fat oaf that keeps walking back and forth above me. The big feet make the wood crack beneath him and the noise transfers down here.

* November 22, 2006 Wednesday night

16 Strange things have been happening, I remember dreams in my dreams, I can't really explain, but that is how it is, I don't remember them at first, but when I see them, the old dreams that I have already had come back to me as shock. Like somehow my dreams have déjà vu. I don't know why, but my dreams actually make more sense now than they did when I don't remember them one by one but all together, it's like someone is helping me bring them together when I sleep. I feel like someone is doing this for me, like these dreams I have actually have a reason a purpose to be seen and dreamt. But what do I know, a little too much than the others I suppose. There was a dream I had about some month before that I remembered last night. The one with the giant castle with the white and black flowers in the back garden. With that tall guy who had long silver hair and yellow green eyes. It seems that my other dream was similar but before this one. This is my other dream that I never wrote down because I had no traces of it in my conscience, but in my subconscious. This is what I believe happened. It was nighttime, dark as can be, the rooms looked like to be submarine rooms, but there I was and some three other girls I think were there with me, they were planning and I guess I was too to get in some room, I think I was trying to leave the area, that castle and that scary place forever. So the four of us went into this room, it was dark, except for a few candles lit dimly near the large castle window, we saw many beds. And in the many small white beds, we saw many little girls sleeping, just sleeping, maybe there were boys, but I only saw girls with long white gowns and long brown, black, and blonde hair. They were all sleeping, so we carefully moved without making a single noise from the side of the door to the other side of the same wall where we entered. We were on our knees, I remember, one of us said shhhh we looked around, then we turned the golden door knob with all its shine, we saw that the door was opening, when we flung open the door, something happened. We saw something sparkly gold. Some statue I think it was on some stone with green or pale green colors on the stone blocks. All of a sudden, we heard someone yell. This girl was awake, it was as if we were trying to steal something and they were all protecting it. Then all the children woke up and started pointed at us and we were scared, I was just confused and lost. Didn't know what was going on. So I just stood there frozen. But then the three took me and we ran out that room and closed the door while the kids still screamed and pointed at us. We ran outside through the dark, through the stone walls and vivid night light. We ran, all I know is that we just kept going until we got outside, only problem was, we were in the back of the castle, the garden was so scary and looked so dangerous as if we were being watched from every direction. We were scared, the stone steps seemed so larger than ever before. From there I guess that other dream I wrote about comes into play, I was a little girl with long black hair and a white long grown walking around in the garden of black and white flowers and dark green bushes, the dream I have already written about where I go up in some other part of that castle, where the sun never shines and only the storms seem to know where the castle lies. And that beautiful creature that is ever so dangerous to us, I think he controls us all, but I don't know for sure, he has very long silver and white hair, pale skin, beautiful hands and deep pointy claws, his look, so stern, so deadly yet so alive and dead. This eyes have this killing look, this miserable death way look, that he has lost something close to him, all alone, with his yellow-green or aqua eyes, in this royal purple and white laces, and black shoes with golden and silver belts. He dresses as if from the 17th or 18th century. Who is he, a royal member of some kings family. Or some creature lost with his pure full bloody lips and fangs to bare at no one but us children. Does he protect us. Or just use us, if so for what, who is he, I want to know. Why does he live here, why does he keep us all locked up in this horrible miserable castle. I want to leave, as far as the eye can see, the sky never changes, it rains and lightening strikes, the clouds move so fast and there is barely any wind at all, it is cold, a frozen place, the stones of the castle so high, the nights freezing cold, there is a moon that we see sometimes, no sign of life, yet, there are flowers in the garden, we have no pets, no animals, what are we? Who are we? Why are we here? These questions haunt me, let me go, I don't want to be in a place like this. Why does this dream disturb me so much that I want to rip out my heart. It sounds as if this is my heart, that I describe, there is someone in my heart like that, like that silver royal person, but I don't want to admit. My heart is a frozen palace, but what about all those children, and those black and white flowers, I long to see them, the white and black roses, they are beautiful. And that creature, I know him, I have seen him, but why does he look so miserable, why is he so sad, is this way in the future, when they all die including me, and he is perhaps the only one left? I don't know, he is normally happy and glad to see me, but as I am only in a child's body, he dislikes me, maybe he is someone else, and those children are his memories, or mine.

* December, 5, 2006, night, 10:30 pm

16 Often times, when surrounded by nothing living, I feel as if there is something in not organic form, but a different invisible state where I can somewhat make out where they appear to be, but all the same, there is no proof of their existence. As now, I can almost imagine a dark cold clawed hand, full of pure black light slowly coming across the top of the left degree angle at about 75. What is this, I cannot say, for I do not know, but it lies somewhere in my subconscious, I have really no words that can explain this thing that I sometimes happen to stumble upon during slumber. I know that this creature exists somewhere not far. But where, in time, distance, or is only thought keeping me from awaking to see it completely, does it hold fear or just plans to harm me. Thus, I fear it in return, but I have told no one, for if anyone knew, they would dismiss the idea at once not even to give it a second opinion. I know it is here, I can see it, and it sees me typing this at this very moment. What is it? Who is it? I hope it can read this what I type about it. For it may concern it with thoughts of reconsidering to show it's full self, ONLY in my dreams. Do you read me. I fear the darkness, yet, I long for it, there is silence, but only to bring corruption in that state of peace. I hate the darkness, but everyone says that I like it. I don't know why, I could care less if not at all, their small talk has no affect on me.

* December, 23, 2006- around 3 or 4 o'clock at night

16 I see some tournament where Sephiroth (Sep) and Sesshomoru (Ses), were going to fight, it was a random pick that they both had to fight, and I think that other dream where they are fighting above all that water is what happens next. I'm not so sure though. I don';t know what happens next, then, later I see Xion (blood roar) has to fight against himself, like as if he is going to fight his own self, his copy, a clone, but that is what it says, and I see two Xions in the enormous ring with everyone else just watching. So it is possible to end up fighting yourself. Both are wearing red and white and black. Their silver white hair is shoulder length. And they just stand there. That is all. Another dream I had which feels like it was real, I am seeing a person from A Gothic Fairytale and the vampire guy after killing everyone is taking the bodies and throwing them into the stream/river below the bridge he stands on, but there is some large truck or something there in the water, and the stream or small river is clear on one side, then after it passes under the bridge, it turns red. And that is where the truck is with all the dead bloody bodies. So he gets rid of the bodies like it said in the story, and the bridge is covered in blood.

* December, 24, 2006, after midnight

16 I see war, out on the streets, then a car passes our road while shooting, the war from Iraq is here. Everyone is dying and dad gets shot by the guns that are passing by, the lights are all out, we are in the dark by the dark lights from the war outside, I hear screaming, blood on the streets, war, it is nighttime, there through the window we as in my two brothers who are so scared and crying, and our mother, we see the aerial bombs, there are bombardments of grenades and yellow and red lights far from here, there is fire and buildings are burning, it is really like a living hell, and mother is screaming and crying at what has happened to father and everything it dying. She is going crazy, I sit by her on the floor as she is sitting on the table looking outside, and I see her crying, I think of how we will live, she makes only $300 a month, and father makes $4000 a month, we need him, there is no way we can live. But I am wrong, she makes about $1000 a month and father makes more than $4000. But I didn't know that in my dreams, and so I was sitting there silent, not scared, or anything, just paralyzed there sitting thinking what was going to happen to us, and I was so shocked to know what happens if he dies. There was something very important I thought at that moment. And I somehow can't remember it anymore, it was something like that he is no longer here to do anything, that life is just a moving body with a shell that makes us move. But there is something in these bodies we have, they are like boxes filled with something, some call this filling a spirit or soul, or the ghost, but I think that there is something that is mentally there, and the body is only for physical pleasure. The soul is the spiritual pleasure. End of dream. I asked mother what this dream could mean, what was it, trying to talk about. She says that all dreams are opposite of what they are in reality, but I don't think that, she said that this means that father will live longer and his life is made longer. Still, I'm afraid of what I dream, sometimes, the things I dream I forget and they come true to remind me not to forget. Too many deja vu's I've been having. My mind spins every time I feel like I have seen thing before, I have been here before, but life in this physical state gives me no answers, only raises them until I die and move on to a higher state of being, thus, I am near gone, or dead, just in a different state of being with that same energy that is in me now.

* December, 25, around 3 o'clock

16 There was also another dream maybe I woke up and just made this up, but I feel it, I can hear it so clearly, it feels as if real, and it made me think and moved my heart, in a way never before, it was about Tysui, he was busy at some work, when he returned it was around 1 o'clock in the morning, and he had thought I would be asleep, but I wasn't, in fact, I was afraid to sleep without him, it was strange. And I hadn't turned the alarm on either, I was hoping he would come before the night was over and maybe I would be able to sleep. He took a long time, I hoped his mission was over, but he was going to have to leave again in the afternoon. But when the door opened, I thought it was him right away. When he entered, and was just about to close the door, I ran down the stairs to him and hugged him and for some reason started crying like I was never going to see him again. He was shocked at this and just held me. I uh..don't remember anymore.

* December, 28, 2006, night

16 I don't know what I dreamed of, but certain, I remember waking up in the middle of the night around 3 and 4 o'clock to remember what I had just dreamed, I can't remember sadly. And that is very pathetic that I cannot remember. Something about mother or something like that, it was very short, and I am sure there was a déjà vu somewhere there.

* December, 30, 2006, night

16 I see a door and a house, I walk in with this other girl that I knew in middle school, her name I think was Lindsey or something popular. She was popular, and I wasn't, but we were friends somehow, I think I helped her in class one time. She moved away and I could not forget her, but now that is has been a very long time, I saw her in my dream, not like we were close friends or anything, she was pretty, with shoulder length blond hair with brown streaks, and hazel eyes, and her skin was perfect and she always had make-up on, but she was still very pretty, her cloths said everything she was, a slut, a whore. But I didn't care, she was very pretty and a sort of friend. Well, she and I went both into this house and she was being quiet, she really was a good person, then this man, I don't know who it was, but in my dream I knew him, some father in school or something. And he invited us in and we sat on the sofa's he said he had something to tell us about, but I don't remember, then he said his sons will be coming to help us or something, we could see them from the window as they walked, and then she looked outside and saw them, she said they are cute, or something like that, then they walked in and sat down, they were twins, both of them were, sat right in front of us looking at us straight. Then something happened, and we were outside in the forests with a waterfall and a one layer of wooden bridge. They were putting it together then the waterfall started, so the one she liked fell but he knew karate. So he just held on to that weak wood bridge at the edge and did some flips and then climbed back on. Strange thing is, I feel like that falling part with the bridge was a déjà vu I had seen the night before. It was weird. She liked the guy who was strong and just looked good. But the other twin, was also strong, but he was also smart and did something with the angels of the bridge. That was my dream. With a déjà vu in it. Creepy.

* December, 31, 2006 around 5 or 6 night

16 I had two dreams, not in any order, one was about some contest about some anime thing that I was really into in my dream, they showed on some screen the last years winners and topic, some human pictures. But this year, it was about robots, whoever could draw the best robot, I didn't care about the prize, and I didn't even see it. I just had this feeling so powerful in me, that I was going to draw the best female robot there was. And I had set my mind on it, too. End dream. The other was about the mermaids. Me and these two other guys were on the beach and there for some reason, we had these little fishes that looked like tiny mini mermaids. So one of the guys ate it and said it was good, then I tried it, we were in the quiet patch of sand in a small island where there were not many houses, very peaceful and serene. The other guy wouldn't try it, he said it might be dangerous. I would have never tried it in real life. But in my dreams I am very dangerous and assertive. So I ate it and I ate two and the other guy, too. So we were talking about it, tasted salty and strange, then from out of nowhere, there we saw a mermaid come out of the water and sit by the rock, she came to us all scared and asked if we ate those fishes, we said yeah, so what? she took one and cut it's tail where the fins start for the mermaid, at the very bottom, and we saw that it was all back inside and ugly. It was scary looking, she said it was poison, and we both looked at her like are you serious I was so scared, I was going to die, I had eaten two of them, I was dying from the poison and so was the guy. I was scared. But then I was awake but I was still scared to die.

* May, 24, 2007

16 About a week or two ago, I saw a pale, white, shiny boa constrictor, it was a very long boa, my dream started with me sleeping, I was sleeping, the corner light turned to the second volt as usual, the red and gold sheets on my bed as usual, it was dark, most likely after midnight, and I was just sleeping, my eyes were on the ceiling or something, I had a bird's eye view to my own self sleeping, I was disturbed, just turning back and forth, then finally when I was sleeping without any movement, I saw the boa at the end of my bed, on the floor. Just curled up, I thought it was an anaconda, but instead, it was a pale white boa. It sees me like it's there for me. And starts to climb, or slither up my bed. Over my blanket. Came up to my knees. I started to get scared, I was just lying there dead, while this thing was going to kill me. Its skin so beautiful. Its eyes were round and black, I think. Scary feeling for me looking down. It reaches close to my neck length. And it's like it's standing or trying to go up to look down at me. It turned its head down towards me looking down, and just stares at me. My dream ends.

* May, 24, 2007

16 One week ago, night time, not too dark, I look outside after dinner, and I see a cat and dog walking around on the sidewalk all alone in the cold dark night. I don't think much of it. And I do something, I don't remember what though, later, in my dream, I go outside to talk the trash out or something, I think I saw someone outside and went to look, it was in the back of the house, and I see the cat and dog again, I'm scared of cats and dogs, so I didn't know what to do, I don't scream, but I do normally freeze when I am scared. While I'm frozen still just standing, waiting for them to walk on by, the cat looks up at me, and sees me, now I'm really scared. The cat runs towards me and jumps on me, but it doesn't hurt me, but laughs. It feels like a teddy bear. Really fluffy and soft like a stuffed bear, I wonder why it feels like that. It is black with white spots on it. It seems happy to see me. Like it was looking for me, and has now found me. The dog pays little attention to me, but then also walks over to me and stares at me. The dog is completely white fur. It stares at me with its head turned to the side. The cat and dog both walk over to the side of the door and I go up the stairs. I say that I will bring something back for them, and I go inside, I go to sleep, the next day passes, and that night I realize that I promised them I would be back soon, but it has been a whole day, I feel disappointed at myself for letting them down, and my dream ends.

* May, 24, 2007. Had dream around 6 am

16 Before I got up for school, I was between the dream realm and waking life, seems that I can somewhat recall my dream that I couldn't remember all day. Now, night, I remember some bits of it. It was a very shattered dream because I was in between the sleep and awake. But I remember me older, like 23 or something. Very young. Sitting in a large living room, there were lights everywhere on the ceiling. And I was just sitting on a chair or sofa, I don't remember, the room had this warm feeling to it. Like a homely place where I've lived all my life or something. I think it was night time because the lights were on. But I was confused about something, there were these really tall males standing over my head, about four or some, strange that I should say that I knew them, like we had been friends, close family forever. But they were really tall, I felt really small sitting there confused. They were bickering over something that I cannot remember, all of them were talking at once, first it was just a little noise, whispers, then louder, and then pointing at me and each other, even though they did not look at me or mention me in any way, or yell at me, they pointed at me and then at someone else, like I had been forced to do something, and they were mad about that. But what was it and who were they yelling at, I was really confused and I couldn't hear them because they were all talking and yelling all at once. It was really hard, their voices I know, so familiar. Very mature adult voices. One of them had really long white hair, I remember. Right in front of me, they were fighting, not harming each other physically, but with words. It was like a headache. Feeling very tired and shattered and now having to listen to them fighting over something that I don't even know about. I woke up confused trying to remember the dream, but I couldn't, now I kind of remember it.

* June, 02, 2007, around early morning, 6-9 am

16 I've been having dreams in-between sleep and awake. Don't remember exactly how it started but I remember Ethan there. First, I started out in a school. In the office. Someone told me to look for an empty class for something, I think I was starting to teach or for some club I had in mind to start. Anyways, they told me to look for a room down because there weren't many people there. I say ok and went to the floor level to look for empty rooms. I checked and heard there was a lot of noise in the rooms, then I saw another hall from the floor level and it was very dim, not many lights. I went through the doors and was in this weird hallway all blue and like cardboard or something. I put my head against the rooms to see if it was empty, I didn't want to be rude and just barge in. but all the rooms were occupied. Upset at this, I went to look more in that hall and I saw Ethan there, just passing me by to go into some room, but glancing at me now and then. When he left, I felt so strange. I don't know why. I mean I used to like him, but that never went away, even in my dreams. I still like him. Only because I never got a chance to talk to him or tell him anything. Well, this just made it harder to look for rooms. Then all the rooms emptied out all the kids left, I remember seeing some students like Lisa leave. But then after awhile they all came back and filled the rooms again. But one class came out of the room after everyone had gone back in. and that class went right by me in the hall and kept going. I followed them, and they led me to the library, a very large big library I didn't know we had, then there was this black guy all dressed in business clothes, he was bald and was wearing black suit and pants. White shirt inside, and a black tie. He looked old and I had an uneasy feeling about him. The class was like 5 people. Aeliya, Ethan, some other people. And this girl that I know she's crazy and wears a scarf over her head. Not a hajab, but to cover her heard. So I sat with them, I didn't see any teacher. I could feel Ethan looking at me. The man talked while we sat around this long wooden table in the library. It was empty with a few people. The windows were big with lights not in the library, but coming from outside the windows. They had no lights in the library, it must have been very old. The place was so big. The shelves where 30 feet tall. Very long ladders. And big thick books. While the man talked about something, I looked at the shelves behind him and they were like 4 feet tall with small books. He stopped talking and we got up and starting looking for books. For some reason, I went with these 3 other girls, including Aeliya. And we went to the long shelves and started talking and looking for big books, I was just listening to them in the circle, and then Ethan came by and said if he could look where we were. We moved just a bit, and he looked for books there. He found these funny small books with silly pictures of cartoons on them. And said if I would like to read this. It was strange because he was supposed to look for his own book, not what others liked. But I said no, I walked over to him and looked for other small funny books. The girls all smiled for some reason. Then he went up the ladder and found this scary and funny Halloween book, it was small, like half an inch thick. He said if I would like to read it with him. I said yes, the we left. I don't remember from then, but later I walked close to the 5 feet tall shelves and I found him talking to this other girl, with a pile of books behind or beside him like blocks. The big fat black girl with the show up scarf that wasn't really used for religious purposes, but to just cover up her ugly burned African hair. They were talking and I just went and stood 2 feet away from her, she was between the two small shelves and Ethan was leading on another shelf. I was standing here, my arms and head resting on the small shelf. And he kept talking about the book he was holding to her, and she was just saying uh -huh she didn't really care. And felt jealous, almost bad and angry why she was there. Then the tall black guy called us again. He was like mix or something. Whatever. We all sat down and I guess I talked more and interrupted him or something, or acted up. And he got mad, then someone's phone rang. And he was like alright whom was it? No one said anything. Then he was like alright take out your phones, I looked for mine, but I couldn't find it. Everyone had there's. but mine was missing, he thought it was mine and I wasn't showing it to him, I told him I couldn't find it, and he got more mad, then he was like give me your phone, and I said I didn't have my cell phone. Then find it he said, I got up and looked around scared for the loss of my phone. I remember the shelf and I went back to where we were looking for books. And I found it, he was standing right there waiting for it, I gave it to him, feeling so guilty and bad even though it wasn't my phone that had rang. I had never had my phone taken from me by a higher authority before every! Pretty scared I was never going to get it back, I forget it for some reason, and I don't remember the rest of the dream.

* June 12, 2007 Tuesday, early around 5 am

16 It was dark. I saw everyone just sitting here like bored people they were, it was really dark and silent outside, I went to look from the back side, and I saw so much, first I saw there was no fence, trees, homes, park, street! It was like we were on an island, the house I mean. and there was water everywhere, as far as I could see, there was water. The water had this light beam to it, it was glowing waves in all direction. Very calm, and the wind was very gentle. It was very peaceful. I got my glasses and looked up, I saw space, all black, with tiny white stars, and in the middle, right above my head, straight forward about a trillion miles away, in space, there were these planets. Like we have. Very pale, I didn't get a good look at them, but I remember they were all round, planets. And they were lined up in a vertical straight line. About 3 or the last two were out of the line, about 9 planets I think. They were all lined up for something, for some reason. Like when they do, something would happen. We all looked at the planets, actually moving very very slowly. Dad said that the planets not in line yet might get in line in a few years. But I looked at them and said that they might be in line in a few hours. Just really scary to see them. There was no sky, no sun, moon, just these planets lining up in space while we were trapped on this endless ocean that puddled outwards every few feet with these waves of light light.

* June 14, 2007 Thursday , early morning. Around 8 am

16 I was dreaming, when my fathers voice broke my dream, and something important was about to happen, my dream was gone, it was a birthday party, with many people, all different like I knew them all, but now I don't know any of them. It was a happy cheerful dream, maybe it was my birthday party, I can't remember a party like that for me. So lively, so many people. So happy, outdoors and then in doors I think. So big, just amazing. I was there, I know it. My other dream was when I fell asleep again after 8 am. Around 9 am. I saw Ethan, and some other girl with him, we looked much older, he looked older, and so did the girl, like it was his girlfriend or wife. She looked like a whore. Very little cloths and always posing for something. I thought she was ugly! But I was older too. And I guess I lived in this big house in the middle of this forest, it was pretty high, I remember this scene where my father or some other male and I are standing on this high place, and I see this place just covered in trees and in layers like a round road on a mountain. Just a forest with high places everywhere, and we life there, there are some digging projects at the bottom for something I can';t remember but my father was talking about it in the dream. But I remember me inside this house. And it is underground kind of. And the ceiling is made of clear glass. That I can see up to the sky, when I look up, I see Ethan and his girlfriend walk right over it. Very gross! I go up to see them but I decide not to. Still shy in my dream. So I spy on them while they are all happy. I don't remember much. That's all. I feel jealous I remember that much. She doesn't deserve him!

* June 17, 2007 Sunday around 7-10 am in the morning

16 How to start this, I remember a lot but it was a little shattered, my dream was really long, either it was two different dreams, or just a really long dream. Either way, I will tell it all. All that I remember, first, I was in a ship, like a big cruise ship, it was like in the old world or something because it was made of dark wood, I remember that much, there were like two or three levels, I was on the second level, the ship was not in the water at all, but in the sky, right above the surface of the water, so the lowest level was 2 inches away from the surface of the water. Really nice, the ship was really open, and the wind was really nice on the water. Like a big ocean with no land in sight. I was like maybe 20 or so. Maybe even 17 or 19. Somewhere there. But anyways I'm on the second floor. And then this guy comes and calls me, I follow him down this thick brown rope, he looks pretty young, like Kyo from Fruits Basket. He has this feeling of likeness towards me. Very strange, he seemed so strong and confident. I think I was bought be him. He led me down there, thinking I was some whore he could buy. But I did act like it. So it was very strange. A prostitute house in the middle of an ocean that floats right above the surface? So very strange. But I followed him. And I don't remember what happened then, but I remember that he didn't have shirt on and I was just hugging him. Very weird, why in the world would I do that. But yeah, then I was just like that for a very long time, hugging him from the back when I thought this would be a great pose for a picture. So I asked him if it would be alright if I could take a picture like that, he said sure, so I didn't move because it would mess up the pose, I asked my brother, I don't know what both of them were doing there, but Sibghat and Jawad were both there, I first asked Jawad, but remembered he was only 10 and is very scared and can't climb a rope. So I asked Sibghat who said ok, I went with him messing up the pose and the orange-haired guy just sighing. He went up the rope but didn't climb all the way because he was scared that he might fall in the water that was right next to him. So I held the rope but he just stretched out his arm and grabbed the light brown bag and swung it down towards me, I caught it but two CDs fell out of the bag, I think it was open or something. But one was of a clown and some other thing that I thought wasn't mine and didn't belong to me, they were just floating there about 2 feet away, but I was afraid to reach for them, I might fall in the dark blue water and I can't even swim. Not that they were mine, so I went back with the camera, and I don't remember anymore. Next, I was in this rock place. Like in a cavern or cave with white walls. Some picture museum with pictures on the floor and small flat white tables. Water on one side of the edge. It felt like I had been there before, but I can't really figure out when, but I've been to that place about 2 other times in some other dream, I just couldn't remember it until this morning. So I had my camera with me and I guess before I never had my camera, because I remembered this other time when I saw the same picture but I couldn't take a picture to remember it, for some pose or something. So now I put this black haired woman's picture on this white table on the floor, she was wearing some dark green long dress, like a thick jungle. Anyways I went through that place and took many pictures of those pictures from different angles. My other dream was that I was married to the one person in this world that i would want to live wit for all of my life, it's so strange, but we did, and i loved him, i was like 25 or so. but i was very happy with him. he was really nice just as i would have hoped. so one day he was at work, i guess, and i was in a shopping mall buying some food, when i thought it would be nice to buy the kid something, so i went to the doggi section and saw him standing right there with a small blue puppy teddy-like toy in his mouth! shocked. i went to ask him what he was doing there, he looked at me funny and smiled, and asked what i was doing there. i just kind of looked down and said that i wanted to surprise him with a toy for. not him. but the kid. and he smiled, said he was doing the same. we both laughed, and then we started to look for a cute little toy, he looked there, i looked here, it kind of got stressing, i didn't like what he found, he didn't like what i found. we started to fight, and get mad at eachother, so i said that he should leave and let me find something, he said fine, and left but said that i should hurry up and be at the cash register soon, i found the stuff that i was looking for in the shopping store, but then i remembered i had to find some toy, i went back there, and started to look for a toy, the walls were all white with white stacks with small toys for dogs. i searched the whole store, but nothing was good enough or felt right. then in the speakers on the ceiling of the store, i heard him say if i could please hurry and say if i was lost just follow back to the cash registers in the front of the store, i ignored that one, but then again i heard it, this time he was yelling in them asking if i was in the store or lost. really pissed, i yelled at the ceiling, and went to a cash register with a great deal of anger and asked if i could use the speakers. i don't remember what the person said, but i was yelling in it too, now. and the people in the store were just staring at me as they passed by. but i was mad at him for embarrassing me like that in the entire store. i don't remember anymore. but that anger was because i loved him. that's what i remember for my dream. i like them both, just what i wanted in a very long time. and i'm just super happy that i could see him after 4 years since last time i saw him in my dream! it was like this dream realm is a real place where i have a different but better life, with all that i could ever ask for exists there. i wish i could live in my dream world. god, it was just sooooo nice to see him real, living, getting mad at me. but with this silly smile on his face, god, i don't know what do say, it just makes me feel that i'm alive. he just makes me feel like living. than you so much, Tysui.

* June 22, 2007 Friday early morning time

16 Saw Ethan Cornelio again! Small dream: in school. I buy some chips and bell rings. I walk towards the door to the stairs in the old T.C. Williams High School. I see Ethan and some other friend with him. I walk faster trying to catch up with him. But when I get to the door, I'm 2 feet away from him. But then I see Tyler, his twin brother on the top of the stairs waiting for him, so I'm right behind him. And he goes to Tyler and turns and see me. End. Some other dream where I'm dancing with someone. I don't remember too much just that I was laughing as two people dancing to this classical music in this hall. The guy looks at me and tells me to come over. He's nice I think, can't remember, but he makes me laugh. Super tall! Wearing black, I'm never danced a day in my life, so here I was dancing with this stranger (I think). And I'm so happy that I'm a girl because that way I don't have to lead, he has to! I was wearing black and golden shoes. I don't remember anything else.

* June 24, 2007 sometime when I was sleeping 2-11 am

16 I was in some hotel staying with the family I guess and Majadah Kala, my aunt who I look up to because she is a great doctor. There's this little 5 year old kid outside the window, and jawad goes to see him, he makes fun of jawad, I go and tell him to leave, then my aunt comes and says she'll take care of this, she goes outside the window, I guess the kid is not human, he is outside the window, anyway, my aunt goes out the window and holds the edge of the outside of the window, while I'm trying to push him out the window and she's pulling him, he turns, and on his sea-blue shirt, there is this big brown bug, a cockroach with wings and something like that. I pull back and jawad moves back too. When my aunt sees the bug, she kind of screams, she's scared of the bug like us, and she tries to move back and lets go of the window, she tries to grab something after realizing she's on air, but she can't grab anything, and she falls, but before she does, she looks at me and says something I don't remember, something like tell her it wasn't your fault! her meaning I think my Mother. But I don't remember. Something with not being my fault. I go back down to where the family is, in the kitchen and I pretend like nothing has happened. I go look outside, I want to, but I don't remember anything else from there, just this burning feeling of her being dead, and I don't cry, just this feeling like did she ever really hit the cement. Because there is no sound or nothing, maybe she flew away.

* July 17, 2007

17 I have had so many dream, sometimes 4 a night and really long ones. My computer lost this typing program so I lost my dreams journal, but now that I have it again, I will try to write my dreams in it again. So many dream, too many, okay, so, on July, 02, I saw Xemnas, just a picture of him standing in some doorway with a white shirt on asking me something. There was another dream where I was in a park with Mr. Dennis (my history teacher in 11th grade) and we were on the swings. It was like a really big park with no one in it, nothing for as far as the eye could see, just grass and clear skies with a few clouds. I also remember that same night I was in some story, where my parents were very rich and we lived in this really big mansion, and right across from us lived this other rich family that wanted my parents to die because they were the king and queen. So they die, and I see this lady that lives in the house in front of us, now she's the new queen and she sends my siblings to some labor child place and I go to this other older place where I am forced to work, it's like a big factory, and this Chinese or Japanese lady comes in with shiny hair and says that the newcomers have to get a haircut. My hair is really long and I am smart in the dream, so I start asking her all these questions about this hair thing she has in her hand, looks like some mannaise in a jar. I ask what acids are in it, and she just puts that stuff on me without warning, later, this girl tells me that it is a potion that makes hair fall out. So I guess I lost my hair in that dream. Funny. That night, I remember being like 10 years old and there is this great big park where I swung with Mr. Dennis, I'm running back to my parents in a yellow big dress with white laces and my short black hair. They are standing next to this big gate for some reason, the gate is open, even though there is no fence or anything, there is just thing old big brown gate for some reason, in all of my dreams I've been having, I'v only seen tysui 2 times. Which makes me feel sad because I just thought that I would see him more, after that dog thing and that fight in the store. I thought we were friends again, but he's still mad at me or something I guess. I did see him last night. Okay, so first, it starts with me thinking about beyond good and evil, this was around like 9 or 10 am today. So yeah. It wasn't night, but morning. So I'm thinking about this favorite part in the game where we get to fly this shuttle like plane thing that goes into space. Yeah, and I think there are two, one with me and my brother and I'm teaching him how to ride it and I say all this jumble of words to confused him and I don't even know what I'm saying. We do this 360 spin and I get dizzy, so I say, let's land. so I land, and I see my brother do something and he crashes. That was I guess one part. Later, I land and the other plane, tysui is like, what was that. You almost got killed. and I'm just like what? Really lost because I remembered my brother riding the jet plane, not him. So anyways. He's like are you ok. And then before I can answer, I hear this girl from this cool car. I think it was red, but he walks over to the car and there are two girls in the car, he looks in the back and there is no one there. So he says something to them. And he comes back and says lets go. He just pulls me to the car. Later. 3 parts in this dream. Finally, I'm standing there at that same spot again after just being so confused, he walks me over to this van, it's like tarnish peach color, like an old model van. And he says I should get in the car because they are leaving. I say something like, I'm not sitting in the front with you. and I go to the side and pull the black handle, and I see this pizza thing, some big box or something. And I say to him, what is this! he doesn't say anything. Then this other guy with this pizza hat looks at me and says, sorry, I just got fired today. now I don't even remember the face of this person, but I don't think I know him from anywhere! I tell him to scoot. I sit in the back but then there is some noise and there happens to be a bug in the pizza box that gets out, I freak out and get out of the van, so this guy and tysui are both looking for the bug so they can squish it and I can get in the car and we can go. Where? I don't know! Don't ask me. I finally tell them to forget it, and I say that I will sit next to him in the front. He's all happy and smiling at me for no reason, ass! So I do, I open the passenger door and there is already another me. And I'm in complete shock. I tell her to move over, while still thinking about the bug in the back, I ask how the bug got there, and he says that there are some left over pieces of pizza crust in the box. Gross. Why doesn't that pizza guy just trash that box! My dream weird. I know. I ask her to move, and my clone or whatever she is, looks just like me when I'm 20 or close to there years old. I'm, again, in this dream like 25 or so. I think. Always with tysui in my dream, I'm always around 25 or so. I don';t know how old he is though! Darn. It turns out that the bug in on the back of the drivers seat and I see it and scream, just grossed out and he's just looking at it and telling me to calm down, it's so big and ew. I hate bugs and here he's telling me to calm down. Funny, the pizza guy finally kills that thing and my dream ends. I can't remember my other dream. So that's it for the past about 20 days or so. I wish he would stop being mad at me!

* July 23, 2007

17 I saw Tyler again in my dream, or now that I think about it, it might have been Ethan. Anyways, I was rushing to my locker, and I see him standing there by his locker looking at me, and I see my locker is open again and my stuff is right there. An umbrella and some book or some other object I can't remember. Anyways, he's like, oh it's open again? Well, you can always put your stuff in my locker. And I just look at him, everyone is rushing to get to their classes. And he's just smiling at me with this cute look. I off course give him this evil mad look, and say something like no, thanks. And the bell rings. Then I have lots of stuff I have to take with me, and he helps me put it in my backpack even though I'm like your going to be late for class, he doesn't care, when I do get everything in my backpack, he's like well, I still have time to get to class, but I have to pee. So he runs and falls right in front of me and looks up and just smiles at me again. I'm laughing in side. Silly. He's a lot like Tysui. He's super nice and helpful towards me. I';m glad I have some human to count on. So I run to class and I see mom and dad in the hallway cleaning the floor. Whatever. I ask did the bell ring, and they say no. so I run to Latin class and I see my French teacher Mrs. Jennings in the hallway saying hi reesha, with bright pink hair! Okay so I get to class and sit down with this big backpack, and my Latin teacher Mrs. Gier looks at me and says rough day? And I realize I'm naked! But I don't feel ashamed. Weird dream, my dreams keep getting weirder and weirder. I just wish they made more sense.

* July 29, 2007

17 This dream was about 4 days ago, around morning time. School. After school. I was outside, and I saw Ethan, he walked right in front of me like he was waiting for me to do something or say something, instead, I like kind of hit him on his shoulder and he just looked at me like What-was-that-for look. And he walked away towards his three other guy friends calling him. They looked at me funny like I was evil or something, they I heard someone call my name, and I saw Tyler calling me over, I walked over to him. And it was like some weird garden part of the school. So he was sitting on this really big rock, like it was part of the statue in our school. I asked him what he was doing. And he just laughed and asked for me to sit there. I did. And we just talked and laughed, I don't remember what it was. That's it. Or it might have been Tyler I hit and sat and talked with Ethan. Don't recall which one was who. They are twins and for some reason I can't tell the difference between them in my dreams! Unless there's only one of them. Oh, I realized that it's either Ethan in my dream. Or Ethan and Tyler, there is never just Tyler alone. Strange dreams....

* August 02, 2007

17 So, I had dream around 9 or 10 am yesterday. I had like 4 dreams, but I can't remember them, just tiny glimpse of either Ty or Tyair. Then there was this messy house I lived in, and it was heavy showers outside, lots of rain, and darkness, so I was watching this move, and then I heard someone's voice, not mothers, but someone like I lived with, a very familiar voice, and they were like what am I doing, I was on the sofa watching this Viking movie. And I said I was just going to take a shower. So I went to the bathroom to take a shower, that's all there was. I don't think this dream meant anything, just my life. Boring.

* August 16, 2007- London

17 I saw Tysui drinking something, I don't know what, other was what Maji kala showing me pictures from her album. She worked really hard on it, she was showing it to Gurriya kala, when I also wanted to see it, she told us about the pictures. And then Gurriya kala left. Maji kala turned the page and I saw this guy with brownish tan short hair, he looked really sad and lonely. I asked who he was, and she told me that is was some experiment that they were working on, and that no one should know about it. He kind of looked, well, he looked exactly like Tysui, but he had brown and tan like hair, exact hair cut, and the face, he was so sad, like he was about to cry, I felt really bad. I also saw this big bee attack Sibghat outside when he was sleeping, this was an earlier dream. And after it stung him on his cheek, it came after me, I don't remember after that. I ran from it, I did feel scared. Last night, August 18, I saw Tysui again, but it wasn't really something to talk about, he didn't seem himself. More like a beast or something, very crude. my imagination is getting out of control. Him mostly. I think it's time I forgot about all this imagination stuff and concentrated more on my studies, really have to get over it all.

* August 23, 2007 Thursday from 3-6 am

17 I was going to go someplace cool with my dad driving me there, but instead, I somehow end up at this library, the same one from the other dream. And it's the same big library, I was all dressed in black pants and shirt, it was a three-piece suit I think, not sure. But it's full of people. Some really good project for books or something, and there are so many kids everywhere, I just walk around I don't see anyone or recognize them, then dad is like to find some book to read, I say fine and walk around tables and I see the back of someone, I walk around not too close and I see Ethan and Tyler with glasses reading some book on the table, I don't pay any attention to them, I walk over to the shelves and pick some book up and star reading it sitting around a bunch of people I've never seen. Then people leave, and it's all over, so I get up and I see these girls gather like a mob and just talk to me about something, they seem really happy about something, then someone says from the back of me Excuse me, and I turn around and it's both Ethan and Tyler again. Then they are like can we have your phone number. And I don't know what to say, first I'm like no. then they ask really nicely and they won't tell anyone, it's super important and stuff. So I tell them I can't remember it because I never memorized it, they ask for my cell phone, but I tell them I never turn it on, I don't use it ever. So then I try to remember, and I tell them 703 888 but I can't remember it's either 2294 or 8829 I can't remember right, but I tell them the 2294 one and they say thanks, and they will call at afternoon or evening time, I can't remember, later when I get home, it turns out mom is taking us on some boat trip to someplace we've never been or want to go. I don't know where it is, but we're going in a big cruiser ship. So we pack and leave in the morning, then we are on the ship, I remember they were going to call, and I gave them the home phone, so dad is still at home, and when mom calls dad I tell him some stuff, but I forget that, so when she turns the phone off, I remember that they might call, I think about calling him and telling him, but I lose my dream.

* August 26, 2007 Sunday

17 I saw ethan and tyler in some party. And tysui was there also, but he was laughing and busy with these other people across the room, and I just saw him but didn't go over to him. I just saw in the side of the table and watched people having fun, I had so much fun, I laughed a lot. And later I got up and left for something, then when I came back, tyler was sitting in the seat next to mine and playing the card game I was playing, it was lots of fun, I just felt for some reason like the three were ignoring me, I don't know why. My other dream, the front door opened and some guy was outside, and he asked me about my e-mail, and I gave him my e-mail address, res8zenith@yahoo, I think I'm giving too much information away now in my dreams.

* September 09, 2007, Sunday

17 Around 9 am in the morning or so, I woke up with the sight of a spider, not so big, but still pretty big spider, black, brown, and red. I just remember that in some other dreams I've had for the past few days that I couldn't remember, and now that I think about it, I did not see them in waking life, so they must have been a dream, anyways, saw spiders. One at the waking moment this morning, other before I think yesterday, brown and with a red line in the center pretty thick. About the size of a peanut. I was sitting at the bottom of the stairs in my china shirt at night. And everyone went upstairs. I was all alone, and the spider came down from the ceiling and I got scared off course and went ran upstairs. I didn't do anything to kill it or anything, but I saw them before this dream, I've been seeing the same spiders for some time now, I don't know why, but at night, I feel and see things that aren't there when I look, like I see something move somewhere far, and I look there quickly, but it is gone, as if it were never to be there to begin with, something little and black, moving so fast the eye cannot see it. I can spot a fly, but these little things are in the air, I can't see them, I don't know why, but one minute they are there, the next, gone. I don't know what this could be or mean, maybe my mind is playing mind tricks or some sort, but I still feel uncomfortable with these black glitches, there are like little tiny sometimes big on the carpet and floors, big glitches, that I see, and if I tell someone about it, they aren't there, even now, I feel little ghost like feelings. Not like there's a ghost, but something else, I must be losing my mind. On a better note, seeing Tysui in a few flashes was somewhat strange and some happy feeling. I mean most of the day, it's I'm just me. Not happy, just feeling like blaaa. Don't have the right word to describe myself on a daily basis. But I can say that even seeing him in my little flash in dreams gives me this sense of happiness, very strange and yet, somehow strikingly interesting. I found out that seeing snakes in my dream means someone is trying to or has already put a curse on me. Now I only remember 2 snakes. And they are in here somewhere, the exact dates. I think one was from Tazniya and the other from Aeliya. Both very evil towards me because I was a good person and didn't follow them, I am, after all, a leader in many ways and I intend to keep my leadership abilities ahead of low-life losers without a single care in the world of their oncoming future and success. I don't care about them or people like them, they only make me cry and bring pain and hurt to me, I don't want the cause of me being upset be 2 simply-minded humans who tend to brag about their horrible live-styles and misuse of friends. Now the first snake might be sent by Tazzy, the brown cobra or some brown rattlesnake. Anyways, desert. Hot. Dry. Windy. Me and some other guy with brown short hair, or black. Digging for diamonds. Find snake. Snake comes after me, but the guy grabs the tail and pulls the snake away from me, but then it heads towards the guy, he gets bitten on the arm. Snake disappears. I was saved by the guy so I guess I didn't get cursed, but knowing how both act very religious and still do what the common whore would be found doing, the second snake. Most likely sent by Aeliya maybe, was a boa. A white long pale with black eyes. Right above me, watching me sleep. I remember it coming close, but them my dream ending. I don't know what that dream explains, but it might be me getting cursed, now with these brown and red spiders, I don't know what to think. But I'm sure scared.

* September 14, 2007, Friday

17 Early in the morning, I had a dream about a bee, I've been so busy with work that I don't remember my dreams, but I remember this for some reason. Not clearly, but I can kind of picture it.

* September 16, 2007, Sunday around 11 am

17 In some very crowded city, I'm at some bus stop with this other guy, around evening time, the sun just set. Traffic and sounds all over the place, then I look down, and I see a snake at my feet. A thick brown snake. I step on it's mouth and bend down and grab its mouth. Everyone is backing away from me, scared, screams, fear. The guy says what are you doing, I don't answer. Then I tell the guy to grab the mouth, but he's scared, I don't know why I would want that, but I don't want to touch that thing, so I tell him again, and show him it's really easy to hold down the mouth of the snake so it doesn't bite you. But he's still scared, finally he says fine. And grabs the snake. Blur moment, I stand up and the street sign has just changed to stop again, so now we have to wait longer to cross the street. Don't know what happened to the snake or the guy. We were talking in the beginning, later, he's gone or on the side with the snake. Don't know who the guy was, I don't remember how old I was either. End dream.

* October 23, 2007, sometime that week, today is Oct 26

17 This week I had a lot of dreams, but I can only remember two, the latest one was where I was walking in some hallway and this guy comes up and starts talking to me, I have a bag of rubber bands in my hand with some books that are somewhat heavy. The guy just asks to borrow some because he needs them, I don't know who he was, I mean in real life, but in the dream, I knew him pretty well. I walk away and give him the bag of rubber bands. That next day, in class. I needed a rubber band for my poster, it was weird how the dream kind of reflected back to my dream, which is how I was able to remember and recall it. I also remember that there was this other dream, early this week. I'm beginning to see myself in college in dreams. And I know these people. This guy that sits behind me is friends and we make fun of the teachers. Another dream I had this week was were I was in college, in biology, and we had this new teacher that was really scary, not him, but what he said. For some reason, he really liked dissecting animals and humans! He kind of reminded me of Tysui, but I'm not so sure, he still kind of scared me a lot. And I was afraid to dissect living organisms, but he was perfectly find with it. And that kind of freaked out the students in class. I also was thinking of how much I feared cutting up live stuff and that this teacher would be very hard to handle this year. I mean he just planned on cutting stuff up all year long, nothing else.

* November 20 or 21, 2007 morning time-before waking up

17 I was wearing a white dress up to my knees, running around, sitting on the old sofas that we trashed last year. Weird, we were in our old apartment again too. And it was night time. So strange dream. I had another dream but I can't remember it.

* November 22, 2007, morning time-before waking up

17 First dream, pretty long, me, Jawad, and Sibghat were in this water world place, we were underwater and breathing, I was throwing these flat pebble in the water, breathing air underwater, then we heard a shark and saw something move there, so we got out fast and then Sibghat broke the water tube that flooded the pool room we were in. so then he just closed the door on the water that was flooding from another side where the tube had to be connected. We ran out of the room, but I didn't see Jawad, I think he got lost or eaten. Not sure. Later, I saw this old professor and this lady with black hair and black shirt and skirt. She looked Chinese. And she was like what is going on, I thought that was me, I think it was. Not sure. But the professor was like nothing is wrong with the pool room, they were looking at the room we were playing in earlier. She was standing by the glass, saying, I was saying. Something is wrong, the room is not flooding. The sharks might get loose, something like that, and then she/I said I know there's something wrong, I made this. and the professor is like nothing is wrong, really. Then I switch to another dream, it's like from there, I'm this dark scary girl with creepy powers. And we are fighting this huge shark like creature underwater, and there is Sibghat and he's like this little boy kid with powers. And there is some other old guy. Professor, don't know, but there is this other tall guy with short white hair, don't know who he is, but I know him in my dream. So we kill this thing, we are going home to this evil castle, and there is this guy with shoulder length light brown hair, and blue cloths, like from dot.hack//sigh. And no one sees him. But I see myself walking home with the rest, and he's like in the corner, there is some other monster we kill and then when we are on this edge trial, when we get to the gate, we just stand there, and the little kid makes fun of me, so I put on this shark costume and run after him, trying to scare him. But this teen guy shows up on his bike and is like, wow, so cool, I think I love you, and I'm in the shark costume, going what the hell. So I take of the head of the costume, and he's like, nooo, my dreams of marrying a shark are over, or something like that. And he leaves all sad and stuff. Very weird dream. And even then I see that same guy with the blue and brown hair standing out of the picture, like I'm watching an anime show. The it changes over to this guy walking in this really huge hallway. The room is enormous, and it is all black, there are little blue lights, and the whole room's ceiling is covered with these orbs like ovals all black and gooey looking, and this guy, tall, white hair, shoulder length, looks a lot like Tysui, just walking with his lab coat with this evil smirk on his face like he just finished killing someone painfully. And I'm in the corner, or is it some anime, don't know, but I'm thinking, oh my god, he looks like Tysui! And it's just weird, he's just walking across this creepy place and he has this needle in his hand. That's it, that's all I remember.

* November 23, 2007, morning time-before waking up

17 I'm in this studio just looking down onto the street. And it's kind of cloudy, but there is this person, dressed in black, with this dark black coat, black long hair, just walking up around the corner. I remember my mom being in the studio, I guess she came by to just say hi, and she's just there watching tv or something and when I see that person, I just pretend that I'm some magic person Next thing, I know, he's like there in the studio.

* December 11, 2007 Right before I woke up for school. around 7 am

17 I find myself in a apartment, don't know how high, just there, I have had other dreams now I recall where I live in this world, I have many worlds that I visit in my dreams. I walk in or find myself in a room, a library like room, research papers, the smell of old books, books everywhere, neatly placed on the shelves, that go all around the room, the room is a square, but the ceiling is more a circle, and the books go all around there, if feels homely, brown shelves, dusty smell of ancient papers. Heaven, I relax, not a worry in the world, then for some reason, I walk to the next room straight ahead. I push the brown doors and I see another room, same as the one before, with books, same, I walk through the doors to the next room. And again, the same, 3 rooms full of books, smell the same, and I hear the rain falling, hard outside, I can smell the rain, I can feel it all around me, and in my body, I turn and there is another room, there is no door, I see someone sitting at a large brown table with a nice dining table chair, just sitting there, with some bowl of soup or something, and papers like they are writing or reading something. I don't know who, I think they looked like my mother, but unsure. I';m hoping they were Tysui, because there they called my name, and I turned to see them, and I walked a little closer to them, then they asked me something, but I said I';m going outside for a minute to look, they said alright, don't stay out too long, you might get sick. So I walk to a door and I push on the door, it slowly opens, and I see the MOST beautiful thing in my life, just heaven to me. I don't know why, but it feels like I've been there before when I wake up, like I was there, so peaceful. I corner, we are pretty high, and it is like a open balcony, there are tables with machines and wires, black and green pipes. Desks, drawers, old radios, some other stuff, green here and there, just messy, but at the same time beautiful, like this is what I have been living for all my life, this one moment. I see the rain, the clouds are think and dark, but there is this yellow light escaping from some horizon, maybe the sun is going down while it is raining heavy. The smell, sound, fresh air, just everything about this place is amazing, there are two chairs, the ones found at vacations spots or pools to rest on, not full to lay on, just half chair to sit on and look around. One is on the floor, in front of a table. Messy, the other one is one this step, right next to the first chair, there is this step about 2 feet high, and the chair is there, behind the second chair, there is a desk that has some dark green think pipes or wires. And I just want to sit there and lay my head on the desk, but the pipes make me rethink this. I just want to stay in this place forever, but I wake up. A taste of my heaven foretold to me in my dream.

* December 12, 2007 Right before I woke up, around 7 am

17 I don't really remember much of the dream, but I remember, me seeing this table, with all these chocolates, all the same kind of brand, but with different flavors. They are wrapped nicely in their golden packets. And there are white, dark, red green, cameral, all these different kinds, and I say, Ohh, and I say something in French and pick up the whole bar, then I do it again, that is all I remember, but I also remember, that while I'm doing this, there is someone, or I think there is someone, like I imagine someone being there, some guy, I don't know who, but they have their back turned to me, not sure, but they are looking at me.

* December 13, 2007

17 I dreamed I had white hair connected to my head with some brown long tape things, I had black hair, but then I brushed my hair, and saw all this white hair.

* December 18, 2007 Right before I woke up for school. Around 6:30-7:00 am

17 I find myself looking around in this very dark room, although it is very obscure, I can make out some of the contents in the room. It appears to be some underground area, no windows, maybe some basement, but there is this person, and he sees me and calls my name, I do not know this person, they seem not at all familiar to me or my thoughts. They gesture their right hand meaning that I should follow them. I do not ask questions or who they are, I follow them down this big hallway, pale, dark eyes, long dark hair, black, black coat, black shirt, black pants, black shoes. Very light skin, almost see-through, their hands, slender, seeming weak, long fingers, tall in height, exactly like some other vampires I recall from other dreams. He talks about something, says some words, perfectly, I don't remember, just some knowledge he is forcing into my brain. All the while, I am listening and walking towards some open area, or so it seems. When we do get to this open area which has an arch like opening with no door. Even the weather seems dark, like a storm had just began or had just passed. Then, suddenly, the outside garden turns completely dark, there is darkness all around, there seems to be no light, but I can see some things, the person beside me, he just stands there with a grin on his face. Dark red lips, I see for the first time, the stench of blood spread all around me, although I cannot really hear, I can feel and see, and what I feel is fear, not ordinary fear of death or anything, but something more, more than death, I've felt this many times before in other dreams, but this time, it was more than ever before. I am wondering if this has anything to do with one of my past dreams. Where in the middle of this dark forest, around evening time, I am walking by, and I see this house, no, I recall it being a mansion, red walls with black window and outlined dark black roofs. The glass not able to be seen through, the ground cold, barren, dead. And maybe I went in the house, and this dream is what happens or picks up from that last. But anyway, everywhere I can feel bodies, not normal like when you know someone is behind you, you can sense, or feel their presence. There wasn't any of that, just this dry cold fear of bodies, human? Maybe. At that moment, anything was possible. And then I saw it, as my eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness. I saw a pile of bodies, maybe more piles, but they were just piled up, dead, decaying, dark, grim skin colors, and the smell of rotting corpses along with the earlier stench of blood still heavy, maybe vampires, not sure, maybe humans. But there, among the corpses, all with dark hair, there was this one person with very light bright white hair color, super white like they were spreading light all around the area. At first I didn't say anything, I never did, I was still in shock from the earlier discovery of bodies. And now this person, lying face down, almost like they were hugging the dead corpses. Turned to their side, and I saw half of their face, frozen, from fear, shock, lost, confused, so many different questions, feelings. Just when there is nothing but everything. I started to move, but was too terrified to do so, that being the last image burned into my memory before I awoke for the day. That person, I know him, I know him form my other dreams. Why, why was he a vampire. He knows better, his face, was light, pale, so pale, clear, translucent, disgusting! His face was so calm, like he was looking forward to see me, a smile starched across his face, bloody lips, double paired fangs, showing themselves just enough to make me tremble, the most alarming thing that just broke my heart, were his eyes. Not what I would ever see or want to believe. The eyes were not their normal one color, but three colors, blue, yellow, and red, with black. Anyone there would have said he was perfect, moving art. But I say he';s a monster, not by what he features now, but what he did to himself. Why would he do that, why did I have to find such a disgracing discovery, why this morning? I breaks me to see him like that, a monster, truly, he is what he burdens for. Of all the people, of every living creature in this world and in my thoughts, he had to be the one that destroyed my perfect idea. My respect for him. I did not speak, I did not say anything, I only stared, I believe he walked over in my direction, but I only remember the half-turned face. A seductive glare, but to no avail did I seek any. Oh, the persons name, not real, from my imagination, this side of him shouldn't exist. But the look of him was not, his eyes sent a message of evil, cold and cruel, that is not how I have come to know him, he is much better than any vampire that he thinks he can try to frame. The name: tysui.

* January 12, 2008 Early this morning, 7 am something

17 I had like two dreams, but I forgot 90% of one of it, the other was is more like a fast story blur, it's true that as soon as a human wakes up, they loose more than 90% of their night memory, including dreams, if they woke up in the middle of the night or not, and if they sleep walk. The one that was a fast blur, started off with this large hill with all these stairs on it, to get to the top, at the top, there was this huge castle. Grey or something, pale white, dark black. I was just standing at the bottom of the stairs, later, I was at the top of the stairs. And then I went inside the castle. There was no one there. Dream blurred to this little cottage right next to this huge hill with the castle. There was a boy and a girl there, brother and sister, and their parents had died. They were all alone, sad, but slick. Innocent look but that was all an act for them. Next, on this nice sunny day, there's this big crash I hear outside, I look outside from the castle, and I see that the cottage neighboring the castle is destroyed, there is nothing, just the remnants of the cottage left. The two kids come out crying. They survived, and then it turns out that there are these 3 people. Two of them are hovering above the ground. So I find myself at the bottom of the steps, and there's these three guys, two flying, one running after the two kids, like he's going to kill them or something, so they leave, and I run after the kids also, because I have no idea why I would do that. I stop right before the two flying guys, and one of them lands on the bricks on the floor, like the old European roads with the big square grey blocks on the floor as the road, so this guy is walking towards me, and I'm like shock, panic, confused, frozen. That's me in most of my weird dreams. Same guys from my other dreams. But this time, they look pissed, really mad, just about to blow stuff up. Me. Maybe. I do get a good look at them for the first time ever: their skin looks pale and dead, like tan-peach dead. Like they never go out in the sun, the one that runs off has long pale blonde hair, and a huge smile, smirk, plotting what he's going to do to the kids once he gets them. Funny, he doesn't fly and just grab them, their kids, and they run slow, he's running super fast, around them in circles, he's toying with them. While he's over their being crazy and laughing, have fun, the other two both have red eyes, like the dark red eyes, no, their eyes don't glow! Just red, clearly, just red. Not really too dark, but not bright light either, just in the middle red color, like the old red lipstick color from those old 80s movies. So the one that walks towards me: has this sad look, like what-are-you-doing-here-look really odd, it's like a whole new version of Able from Trinity Blood, in his full Krusnik form. Just like that, but their hair, is like Ables, but it doesn't fly over them, just down, how gravity supposed to work on their hair. The one walking towards me, with this horrible look I don't really like or want to understand. Red eyes, dark white shoulder-length hair, bloody lips. Black cloths like the ones Able Nightroad wears. Silver belts, a sword, no sheath, behind him, walking towards me, now I'm thinking, he's going to cut me in half. But the other person sees him, and calls him back, so the other person stops flying, and the one walking towards me goes back to the other person. It seems like the other person has more control. Like a master, or king, or older brother, something. Plus, the other guy looks more dangerous, like death. He has really long dark white hair, like grey, but still white, like the shadows make his hair look grey. He looks at me for one moment, like one glance, and then turns away and looked in the direction of the other guy still chasing the kids. Then at the one walking towards me. Said something to him and I lost my dream. I actually woke up, like I was in the middle of sleep and wake. All three people weren't human people obviously, but some other species people. And they looked dead and old. Mad and cold. Except for the one walking towards me to kill me, he looks sad, the same sadness from my other dream about the vampire. The last one. That sad lost look, I don't like it, like they pity me for being me, but at the same time they don't pity me, but want me to pity them for being what they are. I want to know who is person is! Why do they give me this same look?

* April 2, 2008 Early this morning, 7 am

17 so this morning, right before i woke up, i was in another world, we had this other room, and my mother brought some perfume bottle, it was like we lived in a different time and century and my mom ran a shop or something, and she brought home this huge bottle of red liquid, bright red, and watery, she told me it was purfume, and i was like, oh cool. it was really heavy and about 16 inches long, a square of 5 inch by 4 inch. and on the front there were letters in gold. the bottle was clear and see though, but it was actually thick glass, and it was decorated with gold and other dark red stones, i don't know what the title of the perfume was, but it turned out to be for men, i smelled it, and i couldn't smell anything, i smelled it again, and it was like some alcohol smell. and then i woke up.

* April 5, 2008, somewhere in the morning time

17 started out with me and this other guy taking in this room. some half inside outside hall. like those anicent castle type places you see, but a bit more modern nowadays. like half the room has this water fall like cloudy feeling, with royal seats and chairs, half sofas, and other fabics, the room had columns white reaching the ceiling from the ground, anyway, me and tysui, were talking, about some government stuff and some other things. next thing i know, i see ty come in the room, half mad, and wanted to fight tysui, he agreed and i kept talking, we were having a conversation, all three of us, and i was also watching them have a sword fight. like just playing not really hurting eachother. i'm sure it was tysui and ty fighting, and i was standing and then sitting down, finally, something too quick for my eyes, one of them was down. tysui turned around and agreed with what i was saying, almost smiling as he said it. i don't remember if there was a gap in between this, and this: we laughed about something, still in that room, standing there, and then i said to him, wouldn't it be funny if ty was actually dead and his expression would be this complete shock and gash for air. and i even did this little shock move gashing for air. and we laughed again, then he turned around and looked down and did that same expression and movment i'd done, and i moved to see what he was looking at, and i saw what he saw. then my dream just got blurred and it was like a movie, when the camara pulls away from the center of the screen where the actors are, and moves out, spreads from all sides. and you see the whole picture, my eyes were the camara, and i saw ty just lying there on the white tiled floor, quiet, silent, peaceful. like he was sleeping. but there was a sword in his chest, and there was blood all around the open wound, tysui was just frozen, and it was like i was pulling myself, my soul to wake up, and i was calling back my soul to my body, i just lost the dream, or woke up. i woke up a little, it was quite early in the morning, and i drifted back to sleep. and the dream came back, partially. because next thing i know, everyone knows what happened, and everyone is acting normal like nothing has happened, tyair is normal, the only one really hurt is tysui, he just can't do anything about it. he yells at all of us, saying he's killed his older brother, the guilt i guess is eating him inside or something. he just looses control or something. and it hurts me to see him like that. it's as if ty is still alive, but tysui can't get over that fact that he is still alive, so that's what driving him mad. just seeing ty there dead must have scared the daylights out of tysui. i really do feel bad for him, in my dream, i was, as always i am when i see these guys, around 25 or so. and i was just sitting on a sofa feeling pain for him, but not saying anything, what could i say, anything we said only made him more angry, he wasn't listening to anyone or anything. what a sad dream.

* April 6, 2008, somewhere in the morning time

17 so last night, or around morning time, around 7am or so again. i had this crazy dream, it's super long if i try to explain it, it's hard to explain. but here i go. first, this gang i'm with is in some 13 century China period, and we're in this mountain area, spring time or so, animals crossing this shallow river, and i'm like why not make a bridge over it, cuz i see people in the water, walking across like no big deal, anyway, the gang and i hitch a ride on some animals crossing the river, i'm on this camal looking animal. and i see on the way, cuz the rivers not deep, but wide. and i see like some guy that looks like sephiroth or some guy like him, just in the water, like no emotions, dead. anyaway, so there's river we cross, and then there is a little bit of land, and then it's all just deep darkness down there, and a deep river there, so then theres this tiny bridge that streatchs across the whole land, all the way to this half mile point stop, from there, the river is shallow again, and there's theres white round columns cut to walk on, or jump from one to the other until you read this mountain place, we go in there for some reason, and we see this huge green monster appear our of nowhere. and we are like lost in this cliff cave inside the mountain, anyway, the guys are like let me take this thing on, in the end, they all just beat the thing, or tired, and it was made of this bubble slimly bouncy material, no eyes, face, body, just like two cubes of this googy snot forest green stuff next to eachother. it was so awkward, like, what is that!! and i saw Cid from final fantasy or someone like him, and he had his spear(s) or so, he said it won't do any good, we had to do something lese, i don't remember what, i was away with these girls, and then i got lost in the tunnels, i saw one of the guys on in this elavator. must have been an old abandoned mine or something, the guy got stuck in the elavater and we forgot about him, cuz finally, this one guy got pissed and threw his sword and it like popped the monster, like a bubble. and we ran for it, the walls were coming down and i was scared. but when we got out of the cave place, there was this lion monster guy, half and half and it just scared me, US, all of us. it tried to chase us, but we jumped around and got away from the thing, crossed the river, and that was it, that's all i remember, was a gay dream, it makes no sense, head to toe, just randomness i guess. but i'm glad i got to see someone from my other dream before, i thought i wouldn't ever again! i was actally happy because i actually got to see someone i haven't seen in such a long time, i was just happy, really really happy, when i thought about it, even though in my dream, i wasn't happy, just normal like nothing new or anything, must be something wrong with me in this world, ha! still, hope for more, always!

* April 29, 2008 Before I woke up, about 7 am

17 Ok, so yesterday I saw or had this dream, and it was like last nights was continuing from the other night, so back track to that dream: Skip details: names, places, time. Or not. Around age 25 or so, in this creepy graveyard and with lots of trees everywhere surrounding or barricading the area. Long black fence with spicks and dark thick muggy grass that feels like sand. Tombstones everywhere, a few kids following someone in a long stretched line. Just a few random children from 8-10 years old. It could be some evil plot against me from an evil nightmarish fiend that I might have upset before. Anyway, I see this guy, just standing there, looks a lot like the other one from another vampire dream. But he has short black hair, like shoulder length. I fear that I know who he is and that's were I break from the line, fearing that I know who he is and know wanting to see him or know what he's up to this time. He sees me and gives me this half smile half - you know what I'm up to look like he knows what I know and that he wishes I didn't know what he is going to do with the children. Killing is his hobby. Sadly that's all he likes. Glad I'm never a child in my dreams or else I'd be long gone. His sick pleasure is derived from slaughtering helpless little fragile children that are at his mercy but to no avail does he ever learn or stop himself. I can't even stop him. He is crazy, and I've told him so many times, but he knows I hate the thought of him killing children. And he does it all the more, not to cause them pain or end their life, but to torture me for not telling him his secrets he wants to know badly. Simple things that he can never understand. What he is, why he is what he is, why his nature is to do damage without any punishment, he is free to do what he wants. Unlike the others kept in chains, not physically, but in a way, laws are bound to them and their nature, for him, its all there for him to consult with, he has no laws nor rules to control him by or with. I guess that is why he likes to play the antagonist whenever he sees me around or near him. He's not really evil, just likes to BE evil. My dream ends, and last night, same place, same dream, same children, or new children, and it's really foggy, a thick fog, I can't see a foot in front of me. And fear always seeps into my bones at night with that creep around. Friend or not, he is a vampire, if he takes pleasure in hurting children, then why not human friends? I barely walk a foot before I start spinning. Confusing feeling. I know he is there but there. And I can hear the children voices. Could he be the same guy from that other child's dream. Like a sectioned story or movie, continues forever. I remember the dark weather and the cement castle, the dark thick green grass and white and black flowers, but I don't remember him ever having that smile, he's evil, but not that dumb either, he knows his place. The other guy has like indigo colors. He has more black than anything else. All black. And pale light red eyes. The other guy has long silver hair and bright glowing yellow eyes. Different, very different, completely different people that don't look at all similar, but have similar motives. I don't like either, they both confuse and frustrate me, not Tyree or Tyair. But who then? Confusing, very, someone new? Maybe? Could be Tysui and his crazy acts again. He did change his phase.

* June 15 2008, After I woke up & fell asleep, Sunday, about 9-3:30 am

17 All night, I had this one long dream, I was someplace, I was a little bit older, but still me, and it was like we are at this big party getting read for it, and it took place is like Pakistan or someplace like that, a huge family, mom's family, I saw Gurriya Kala there, and I saw some other people and faces I don't remember, but me, as I always am busy and waiting to do stuff during parties and such, I always being the outcast of every party on purpose. I was in this bedroom, just working, no ac, just like a fan or something, the room wasn't white walls, but this tan-ish yellow color, small, cozy, big for a bedroom I guess. It had a huge bed, which I was on laying down working on my laptop I guess, there was also a big sofa, and there were some chairs, TV, and the TV cabinets, and there were these huge dressers, chambers in Pakistan, they are called, made of iron and steal. And these shelves where there were a lot of VHS. I was working on something very important, a report or something, laying backwards, trying to finish up. Then I get up and go out the room. Later my dream continues and I walk back in the room I see Gurriya, and I see the shelves, I'm like who messed all this up, because they are not all aligned right anymore, but all messed up and piled up. So I was like can someone get me the VHS videos so I can fix them, and I sad down in front of the sofa, on the floor and started to put the VHS up right, then I felt someone over me, sitting on the sofa, talking, and put the VHS on my head. I took them, didn't know who it was. And put them away, I was still fixing them when the person started playing with my hair, like just braiding it or something. I looked up and saw that it was tysui, and he was talking to this other guy sitting next to him on the sofa. Laughing, the other guy looks like a friend of his or something. And then I got up and sat next to him. . I was just bored listening to them talking, and after a while, the other guy left. And then someone else came by with more VHS.

* June 27, 2008 around 3:38 am

17 i had a dream i was wearing pale blue, and there were people, like 10 people at some place, and i was standing there, bleeding, it was like the blood was mine or someones on me, it was dark, thick blood, i could feel it super hot, like it was coming from me, like someone stabbed me and i was bleeding, from my chest down, just blood!

* August 31 or September 1

18 I'm not quite sure. Middle of the night. 2008
Had a strange dream, I saw Xion again, for some random reason we were playing games, as if we were children. It was odd and very strange because he doesn't like to play games. Started off as we were picking teams, I was just lost, like I just entered the dream and I was already lost, then I heard my name, he said Reeshas on my team and then he called some other people. And I was like what are we doing? What are we playing? Why did you call my name? then I realized oh, we're playing dodge ball, I mean of all the lame games to ever play, dodge ball, I have not played that in a long time. And I don't want to, I normally just get hurt and end up losing! Anyway, the game starts, I lose sight of Xion, and I do end up playing, turns out I do hit some fat guy on the other side, but there's some teacher or someone and they call me out and the fat dude I hit. Then she starts giving us both a lesson on how to play, anyway, we argue and then I hear him say, Reesha, get in the game, and I'm like how can I, the teacher won't leave me alone! She keeps nagging me! He comes over and says that it was a foul or something. Fat dude sits, I'm still in the game. it's a different kind of dodge ball game because the two teams are on this white tiled floor, if we step off it, you're out of the game, I didn't know that. But in the beginning of the game, I do step off the tiles but Xion pulls me back in and says don't step off. I'm lost because I hate being attacked by dodge balls and they do hurt. I don't remember the rest. Game over.

* September 7, 2008 Around morning time.

18 I don't remember how it started. But the I was at some place, me and these two other guys, we were laughing around and I think drinking, I'm not sure. Then these other people came from no where, I think they were the police or someone, but they were just looking at as like we were criminals. But anyways, we got out and I remember from there most of the dream. I sat in the passengers seat, and someone, I'm not sure, Xion again or Tyree or this other guy my mom was talking about last night, I have no idea how he got into my dream. Who ever it was, I was comfortable around them so we were laughing and he was just fooling around. Half drunk I think. And then the other guy I'm sure was Tysui, he was just very quiet, not drinking, not talking or laughing, just very quiet and calm. I kept looking at him but he wouldn't look at us, like he didn't like us laughing or something. He didn't say a word. He just sat in the back very quietly and gazed out the window, even after the car was moving, I didn't have my belt on, I kept turning around but he never looked ahead. He WAS upset at someone or about something, but he wouldn't say. It was awkward be because normally he's the really laughing happy guy, but now, he had this whole new side to him and it was pretty depressing. The car was really hot, like it was burning hot all of a sudden, and I was thinking, maybe, take my shirt off, it was really really hot. But then we pulled over. And the same people, 2 or 3 other people from before, stopped us or we just stopped at this gas station, and they were there too. We just looked at one another. The driver in our car got out and was talking to them, and they started laughing. I was hiding in the car, I didn't want them to see me. I don't know why, maybe I was in trouble, or those guys were looking for me or something, I think we did something bad back at the place because they were looking around for someone. that's all I remember, and I was, around 25 or so, older than I am right now. Even 30 I'm not sure. But hey, Tysui wasn't a vampire anymore!!!!! That's the good thing, because the last time I saw him, and the time before then, and before that, he was a blood thirsty vampire, now, in the car, he was just normal, peaceful. Like nothing ever happened, he was himself! Although he didn't have that creepy killing look, he still was sad about something even though me and the driver guy were probably both high or drunk. It was a strange feeling, because he was the sober one for once! We weren't talking, we were just laughing like crazy maniacs.

* October 11, 2008

18 I've been having a lot of strange dreams, most would refer to them as nightmares. But for some reason, I'm used to seeing that stuff. Stuff meaning blood and dead strangers. People or dead people, or creatures that aren't people like humans, dead but still alive, moving, walking, talking, watching. And lately I've been seeing my youngest aunt on my mothers side of the family. Gurriya, meaning Cute Doll in English. She is in London right now but I've not spoken with her for a while. I keep seeing her. And the color brown. Her hair is brown. And I've also been seeing Saood, my father's second or third eldest brother. I don't like him when I hear what mother has to say about him, but when I met him, I only hated him more, there is this force that makes me think that I have to like him, respect him because he is one of the oldest of his brothers and he is also my uncle, but I don't like him one bit, he's strange and talks strange, maybe because he is so old but he's worse than father, he's crazier than the younger brothers. I can't imagine how insane the eldest brother must be, considering his age and his circumstance, I think he's above and beyond crazy. I've seen Saood in about 3 or 4 dreams I'm not quite sure myself. Just talking, he's talking. To someone, to something, I don't know. Most of my dreams haven't been making any sense, I'm half asleep and half awake, I can't recall any of them clearly because my memory doesn't get the time to put them into a story, from one event to the next. They are all mixed up so they are more of a blur than anything. And because I haven't been able to concentrate and figure out most of them, I feel like I'm losing my ability that I gained from my mothers side of the family. She also lost most of her ability but still has a strong amount it. If I don't exercise what I have left of this ability, than it will go to waste. I wake up more lost than fresh. Confused, what happened, what did I see? Its that feeling that you know you had the dreams that become deja vu's, but if I can't put them together to make sense of them, than I really am losing that ability. For someone who doesn't have this, its like having a train hit you and you wake up thinking it was a dream, but you're somehow alive in the hospital! it's a horrible feeling to wake up with that in you mind. Its making my waking life odd and I feel sick. Even though its nothing yet, I feel like it'll only get worse if I don't find someway to fix this. The empty feeling. That hole. A part of my brain that's like a black hole. Its just eating me up. I can't really explain it, but its this empty feeling and it only gets stronger every year. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe I'm not drinking milk or something. But whatever it is, its making me feel less like myself. More empty and broken, dead. Just like the dead people I see in my dreams. Only they still have this will to move, they walk. And talk, but me, I don't feel like moving. I don't want to talk if I don't have to. No loud noises or sounds. A peaceful place where everything is cold, frozen, still, and dead. No sound, no space, no people. Nothing. I'm not sure what's making me feel so dead but there's something that's keeping me from dying too. I think it balances out in the end. I still feel empty most of the day. I don't think like I used to, where my brain would run on and on, forever even without knowing, I would be thinking of this or that, now, I don't. is it something of hope. Have I lost something? Have I gained something? I think it's a curse. From someone evil, and I know her but I don't know how to get the curse off me. I keep asking myself at night mostly, could it be that I'm dying without knowing?

* October 24, 2008, Around morning time

18 I think I had two dreams, the first dream was where I was flying or something, there was this city, and it was crowded, didn't look like America, but someplace in Asia or china, very quite because it was still dawn and it was very early in the morning, or it was evening time, I'm not sure, it was a clear evening/early morning, and it was so peaceful. I was walking on the roofs, at first I was on the ground, there was grass everywhere, and wooden homes and brick flat roof homes, I sat on the object and started lifting off the ground, and before I knew it I was flying, it was amazing, but I wasn't very high, only about 5 feet off the ground, then I went up on the roof, and started flying up higher from there to other rooftops, and people saw me, and more saw me and said I was a witch. I had this I think chair like object that was helping me fly, so I kept going from one rooftop to the next and the people on the ground were very amazed! That was the first dream, the second one was where I was at the same place where I had been flying, but it was darker and there were ninjas on the rooftops, there was fighting going on between two different groups, one good and bad, but I'm not sure who was good or bad. They were just ninjas to me. Then it was like I was a camera and I could see them, in a movie or something. Then I saw 3 ninjas on this high balcony, two of them were standing, the other was leaning against the railing, then the one wearing black shot him on the side of the head, and again in the back, they cut out is stomach and pulled out his guts, then the two standing took out a huge sword and sliced the dying ninja in half from the bottom to his neck. It was disgusting and an awful death, VERY painful I bet. And then my dream was over.

* October 25, 2008, around morning time before I woke up, 8-11 am

18 Very very strange dream, it was very real, I was about 20 or so, maybe 25, it doesn't really matter, I guess, I was older. I was in this group of people, friends of mine I guess, and we were on some sort of vacation or exploring around in this forest. Turns out it was inhabited by strange creatures. Started out we were in the forest, we found these homes, looked pretty real, thick forest covered 1/3 of the land area we were in. another part was the huge waterfall and a very big swamp area, which was on high grounds than the forest, there were also caves and taverns behind the waterfall and swamp area, and behind there were the fake homes our team found. turns out well, it was a trap, explain later, now we're in these homes and we're like what? Where did these come from? We had 2 old guys, and 4 young guys, we also had 3 girls, and me, so it was a pretty small group of us, one of the older men got out of the house and died, he got lost in the swamp and he encountered this bizarre creature, looked like a wolf breed with some other creature that I couldn't figure out. Just something huge a little bigger than a wolf and looked like one too, but still moved different. It trapped the older man to the end of the waterfall and bit off his neck, just a chuck of flesh. And the blood ran down the waterfall, it was so scary. There seemed to be strange breeds of species all over the area, swamp had its own fun, we were still trapped in the houses, once you got in, you couldn't find a way out, it was like a cage, and we'd fallen for it. Stupid we were. The walls were like cardboard or something. But still hard because one of the guys kicked and fell to the ground, the wall had some spikes that we hadn't seen before. He was still crying and kicking when one of the girls found a way out from the far side bedroom, all the fake houses were 1 level. The closet in that room led us out into the forest, we ran our way from there very scared still, and we found this huge castle place, all dark and black, all around was dead earth, barren grounds. We didn't go from the main entrance, we went from the back and there were swamps we say above us, black stones, blood smeared on the walls. Dark dead, and TIMELESS, like no wind, nothing moved, like god had abandoned this god forsaken place and left it to rot in hell. It was this awful feeling like something was watching us even thought we all kept looking back. We had already lost one of the older men, I think they were scientists or something. We also managed to loose 3 other people, 2 guys and 1 girl in a different house and had no idea where they were, no cell phones, no nothing. We had no idea what this thing was doing here, this castle. Inside was quiet, nothing moved, heavy stench of blood. Rotting corpse or something. We did split up and I think 2 girls when up, and the 2 guys with the older man went in opposite directions, and I went towards the kitchen, dining area, it was A HUGE place, one would easily get lost and I was thinking that there was still something watching me. Nothing yet, but something hovering over me just watching waiting for something. I heard some noises ahead so I walked on. The floors were so dark, I couldn't see where I was walking. Very little light from the windows, even though there were huge windows from outside, inside, they were draped over with huge thick black and darkled to maroon curtains.
Everything was dusty, dirty, and ancient old!!! The air itself was like no one breathed it. Just cold and no warmth anywhere, there was this huge fireplace but it was just black, like nothing ever had lit there. Except for maybe some flesh, there was blood EVERYWHERE! Awful awful place! I walked over to these huge doors, and just pushed one of them very slowly, incase something was living or half alive wouldn't hear me or anything. Maybe this house was another trap like the other fake houses with traps. I moved the door enough to see through, and I saw these guys, I think they were males, all palest skin in the world! Dead, their eyes were all red, bright red, not just boring old blended red, but like a bright light type red like they could see everything. Nothing else, their eyeballs were RED! White pale faces, all wore heavy 13th century clothing with the shirts and coats and overcoats and red laces and grey and white laces and silver jewelry. All of them were like a picture, sitting around this huge table, there was some yellow light coming from the left side, like old candle lights, the table was old itself, huge and ancient, dark brown, and had tons of food on it, strange stuff I've never seen in real life, it almost looked like flesh, meat, and the wine glasses all had red wine I think, but they were also all speared with blood. Just this dark feeling came over me like these guys weren't human at all, they weren't human, they were just sitting there bored, looked dead, but moved just a little, like machines, not in a human fashion. There were 13, first there were only 9, but then 4 more came in the room from some other door and sat down, I was pretty sure they didn't know they had trespassers in their home yet. 5 of them looked old like they could be 30 or so, and the rest looked young like 20 or so, they were all just I think laughing and looking at each other, not saying anything, I never once heard a single word from any of them. Half of them had black hair, like dark black hair that consumed everything! And the other half had bright white hair, and not the older ones, just had clear white hair. Then I heard one of the guys in our group come down the stairs and say my name, and I was like oh crap!! I looked back and a few of the monsters I think also heard because they turned their heads and looked over at the stairs in the center of the mansion, and then they turned their heads towards the door where I was standing, I lost all hope there, because I actually made eye contact with one of them, I just froze, I couldn't move, shocked and paralyzed, I was ice frozen, the guy thing whatever it was that saw me stood up, he was HUGE!!! Like 8 feet tall or so, and I was just about to die. Because I figured that was it, I'm dead, my head was racing thoughts, but my body couldn't do anything, the creature started walking, very slowing peacefully over at the door, by then the guy that said my name, I think his name was James or something, short blonde hair like those surfer types and green eyes, he grabbed me and was like Move Reesha, but I couldn't I was frozen. Since he figured something was wrong, he slapped me, and then my body gained conscious like it had been asleep. I ran out of that place with him and I was like what now? One of them saw me, why'd u yell so loud. He didn't have an answer, but he said to just get out of that place, he told me to stay there while he went back and got the rest of the group. So I was ok, I can do that. He came back after a few minutes with only 1 other girl and 2 of the other guys. And I was like where the guild and the other girl, I don't remember her name, James said they were dead. And I was like HOW? He didn't answer but I figured that creature that had gotten up knew something human were invading their home, they probably killed our friends. Then the wind started blowing really hard, like something was controlling it, we knew that meant leave now. And we did, ran down to the taverns and swamp place, lost 2 more of the guys, James was one of them. Confused and scared, how do we get out of here? We were at the bottom of the waterfall and the other group was still at the top in the forest area now. Then we heard a few sounds, like animal roaring or something, turned around, and there was this huge dark green alligator in the swamp, it started chasing after us, we split up again and then after me this huge anaconda dark brown color started chasing after me, than the guy said look behind you, and I was like oh shit!! So those two huge monsters chased us into the caves and we thought we'd be trapped there in the dark, but there was a this light and we were back in the swamp, the creatures were after us, all 13 of them, not human at all, they moved in this strange manner, like they zoomed in and out, one second they'd be 30 feet away, next second, they'd be 1 feet away and we couldn't see how they got from A to B, there was no way to see them in that time, they didn't run but zoom like that. The other group caught up with us in the forest, and by then they had us all trapped, 3 guys 3 girls and that's it. So that's it they didn't kill us though, they said they'd set us free, and we were ok, so why'd u chase us, I guess setting us free meant killing us. They took us to their creep black home and took us underground, the walls were oozing and it was all black, there was moss on the cracks of the walls. Like some awful jail under their mansion, they had piercing eyes, all black now, not red like before. I was hurt because one of them hit me in the taverns, and it was like a hole, their hands weren't hands, more like swords or something, no names, black claws, and melting rotting flesh. Disgusting creatures, before he could kill me though, one of the other ones said to him not to, not here or now. And I was like, shit, I'm bleeding kill me, it was painful. I could feel the pain tingling like little ants all over the wound, just hurt, I wonder if they had poison on their hands because that cut started hurting so much. I couldn't feel anything by the time I got to the underground jail or whatever. I couldn't think or feel, I just knew I was moving, I could barely smell or breath, if I held my breath I wouldn't ever have to breath again. I don't know if I was becoming like them or what, I just lost the dream after that.

* November 3 or 10, unsure

18 I was on this fairy boat in this swamp, someone else was there with me, but I can't remember who. They were too busy sleeping, and was went out and looked around, there weren't that many people on the boat, it was all dark muddy green and the colors of the swamp water was ugly forest green, just gross water, but it was clear and see through, very strange. Next thing I saw was this huge tree, dark and scary looking, and there was this gate under the tree. Not inside the tree but just next to the tree. The boat wasn't going through the gate, it was going straight down the swamp river. So I got up and out the boat, the water wasn't very deep, it was kind of shallow but I still had a hard time moving with all the currents pushing against me. I got to the gate and opened the door which was already set ajar. Behind the gates was this huge plantation home and a farm. I walked in the water some more and got to the edge of the farm where half the crops were floating on the river water and half were still buried in the soil. I realized the that crops were actually pearls. There were huge peals, the site of gulf balls. Just floating there on the water, and half were on the ground just growing there. I know pearls are made that way and I know they don't grow. So what in heaven's name was this!? The whole farmland was covered with white shiny pearls, it was insane. Some big, some small, some still hidden underground. And there were huge trees like the dark scary one next to the swamp river by the gate. These trees brought no sunlight to the ground where the pearls were. They were very thick, then I looked up, there weren't any sounds or anything moving around the canopy. Just still life no life ever existed here. The trees grew skulls, very shocking. Every tree had skulls, human skulls growing, some small, some big, others hidden in the thick dark green leaves. Just white prefect round skulls. With black eye sockets and little lines the mouth. Some skulls were so heavy they well and were lying around on the ground. The dream was very strange, who ever heard of skulls on trees and pearls on the ground growing!? I saw 3 people walking around the farm paths. There was this brown haired lady in peach colored skirt and blouse, and this fat man and his wife with black hair. They were getting a tour or something. I thought to myself there are so many pearls, I mean aren't people obsessed over these things? Then I had sinful thoughts about stealing some, but I quickly cleared my mind because did it matter what others liked, because I don't like pearls, I like simple gold, and not even that much, just a ring or two. So why should I obsess over something that I didn't even care about. I didn't touch the pearls, I went after the skulls. The lady saw me and turned to me and told me to not touch the pearls, I told her I wasn't going to. And she went on with her business with the other people. I picked up 2 skulls but then realized what am I going to do with skulls? So I remember just putting them back on the ground where I picked them up from, I went back to the gate, and got out but there was no boat. There was a second boat passing by or something, and I hopped on there and got a ride in the end. This dream made absolutely no sense at all.

* December 8, 2008

18 I saw someone after so long, this person that I hadn't seen in a very long while, he wasn't his normal age though, he was much younger like 18 or 19, like a high school student. And it dawned on me, he must have gotten some sort of education to be that brilliant later on right, and this was my chance to find out how the heck he got so smart, I mean, he says he wasn't born that way, but I have my doubts about that. He acts retarded just to fool me into believing he's not very bright, but I know he is because he can manage such difficult conversations I throw at him. Where many would just give up and quit, letting me win, he refuses to give up on his point, and he stands by that even if he knows he's completely wrong! So, I found out he had 2 good friends when he was young, this girls with brownish red-ish long hair, and this other guy with black short hair and very pale too. So these 3 were the best of friends, one day they decided after school to visit this science museum in town, so they got on this blue-white bus and he sat in the front while his other 2 friends were in the back messing around telling jokes and stuff. Even though they were his only friends, he never felt like he belonged there because he never really could understand what kind of people they were, if they were people, unlike him, he's not people. He's not human at all, so it made him wonder if they were like him or similar to him. He'd been rejected, an outcast all his life, never trying to fit it because it was useless. Understanding human behavior kept him away from humans more and more, and also because of his older brothers who weren't very fond of humans. I didn't get a chance to see what school he attended or what the museum name was, but who cares right, this is his story. They get out the bus, and he's pissed because he had to sit next to this old lady with a creepy red big bag and she kept starring at him, while those 2 were in the back laughing. The girl told him to shut up, they had called him to come back but he said he didn't want to. And the other guy added in you're too prefect for this world, man. Which got me thinking again. Dammit, so this isn't when he got all smart all of a sudden? I have to go back further. But I couldn't because this was a time dream and it runs on its own. All 3 walked in the museum and then they got stopped by security, he was forced to stay behind while his 2 friends were allowed to go in. I'm not sure why these 2 guards stopped him, I don't think even he knows to this day. For some reason they took him to this interrogation room or something where they told him to stay for sometime. The room was made of cement, an extra hidden addition in the museum that was in the opposite direction from the place there were supposed to go. So now he's sitting there in that room, not at all scared or confused, I'm getting pissed because I'm not even there and I'm panicking, and he is there but he's not, its like nothing gets to this person except when I yell at him. So these 2 creatures come in the room, they look human, but they have green skin, and its gross, like bright blah dirty green skin, he's still not shocked or scared, he just asked very politely why they stopped him from going into the museum. This is the part that I don't remember, its all very blurry, I don't have any memory on this, I just remember that his friends come in the room and he's sitting there all alone again like nothing has happened. They're both all scared ask asking him what is he doing here, why did they stop him, he doesn't answer and the other two green things aren't there anymore. He tells them he doesn't want to see the museum because its really like all the other ones out there. So he leaves the room with his 2 other friends. I have to say, what an awful waste of time and memory space. Because I still didn't get to find out how he got so freaking smart, I just got to see him like 5 years younger, more like 200 years younger in human years, but that's a start. Maybe next time. I did get a laugh out of his crappy mood from the bus, sitting next to old ladies does SUCK! They stare at you, bother you, sometimes they start reading the book upside down, and they all have huge bags, what in the world do they have in those HUGE bags? Are they smuggling babies or what, because I wonder how long babies can last in a leather red hand bag before passing out or dying. Well it doesn't really matter, I'm just glad I got to see him! He's normally very busy to even say Hi anymore. I guess I'm stuck with his life events from the past because not like he ever visits. Selfish-much.

* December 15, 2008

18 Awful dreams I've been having again, nothing creepy or bloody, but like strange dreams, happened Dec 14, around morning, where I'm in this underground shopping mall with my mother, and all the while, these other girls that I used to know are there shopping for cloths, then I see this really strange guy standing there with one of my friends, he tells her he has to go talk to his other friend, I'm ease dropping at this time but he kind of talks loud so I hear him, I'm only 4 feet away. He goes away, and Mehearet, one of my old long time friends, tells me how great this guy she's seeing is, and how much he loves and on and on about him and her being a prefect couple and all, I'm like that's nice, so what are you doing here in this underground mall? She says she's here on a date with him, and that';s odd to me, why would you take a girl shopping for a date? That's just a sick excuse to leave the house so you can shop for girls while your girl is too busy with materials. So he's gone, no where in sight, my mother calls me to let me know she's going to this shop on and I should follow her or something, I get lost, and I see this guy again that was taking Mehearet on a date. He's all alone, starring at me, and I'm just disgusted because he has that creepy look like when you stare at someone just to piss them off. And I walk up to him and tell him what is his problem, he should be with Mehearet and not gawking at other people. He doesn't say anything but he just smiles. I remember turning around to go back to Mehearet, but he grabs my hand and holds me in his grip, like he's a kid or something, I get really pissed, and I call for Mehearet, I tell this fucking loser to let go of me, he';s obviously way stronger than I am, but he doesn't listen. There's like no one in the mall because some asshole made the place underground, not a lot of people know about it or want to shop underground, its just creepy. So I'm just stuck there and this guy won't let me go, I have no idea who he is or what the fuck he wants, why can't he leave me alone and go bother Mehearet. He says that if I tell Mehearet he likes me more then he likes her, he'll tell Mehearet that I'm a liar and that I want him for myself, and Mehearet knows the kind of person I am and I'm not at all interested in sorry sick ass men or boys. So here I am, I know he's a complete loser, and Mehearet will believe me. I say fine, let me go and I won't say a word, but I don't like you, in fact, I hate you, and he said that's fine with me, at least one of us has a reason to be around the other. Still have no idea what the hell that means. But at least I got away from that creep. Went back to Mehearet to tell her her boyfriend thing is cheating on her over someone else, and she was like oh come on Reesha, do you really expect me to believe that, I didn't know what to say, that loser was right, she wouldn't believe me no matter how long of a friendship we'd carried. then he came from the back and Mehearet started laughing and told him I told her that he was cheating on her. And the guy just laughed and gave me this evil look I think like I told you so type. And I was angry, because he was playing with Mehearet, we might not be best friends or anything but I still look out for people that I care about or respect, and I do to some extent care about Mehearet because she's been a good friend. But this dream just made me realized that I've had this dream before, I actually remember sometimes that I had this dream before, but I forgot it, and then this is like a recap, and I remember the dream again that I forgot before. This same dream I've had about 3 or 5 months ago, twice, not once. This other dream I had this morning had something to do with a bus, it started off as me waiting for a buy, this school bus I think, and I got on but then I got lost, this fear of being on the wrong bus inside me ever since I got lost when I was 5 years old, that fear has never really gone away, so I hate busses final! But here again, semi-nightmare I should say. I realize I'm in the wrong bus after the first few stops and then I don't know what to do, I panic as always and I lack the ability to stand up and ask the driver if there is some route or something he or she can do for me so I can get where I'm trying to get to. Here, again, lost, confused, never seen anyone from that bus on before. The bus goes though strange places, streets I've never seen before. One by one the kids get off, I see a stop ahead that looks familiar, I get off and then I realize, I have no idea where I am, I should have asked the driver, too late. Bus is leaving out the side section into a street, I follow it somehow. Then the street changes lanes and moves into the highway. I still somehow follow the bus, the bus crosses state lines or something, in a new area, and there's this huge machine between the road I'm standing on and the one the buss is on now. So I find the door into this machine building, and I go inside, there's 2 people. I finally ask them if I could find a bus to help me get somewhere. They laugh and say that's no where here and I'll have to take a few busses, but instead one of them says they will drive me they were then go home. I say thank you for your courtesy END. What the hell did that represent!?!? No idea, who cares, I just felt like typing so here I typed my crappy shitty dreams.

* January 1, 2009

18 Happy new year. Nothing great about another boring year. But that night, I had a very small vision like dream, like a 1 minute glance in a dream or vision or something, first it was dark, but there was like a bluish light at the top, I was in a room, not me but my eyes could see I was like 25 or so, I was in bed, like half asleep, and there was also someone else there, it was tysui, he had his arm over me for some reason, he was also half asleep, kind of sleepy. Like he was half over me for some reason. Then he moved his arm and I saw there was also tyair there for some reason, he said in a half sleep voice, hey that's me. And then tysui moved his arm back over my shoulder. I don't know what they were doing in my bed. But we were just sleeping. It was a very strange dream, I saw for a minute after tyair had said that tysui opened his left eye for to see but then went back to sleep. Strangest dream so far. Those two are so strange.

* January 13, 2009

18 The new year starts of horrible for me, I saw my annoying asshole brothers in my dream, but it's a good dream because they were somehow both lit on fire! Both of them were melting & screaming. And I was just standing there, like someone was holding me back, don't touch them, you'll catch the flame too, that's all I remember. So they pretty much I thought were dead, bad grammar & everything who cares, a little while later, mum came home & she's like what's going on? And then that force holding me back was gone, and I could move again, I wasn't frozen anymore. And the two of them weren';t on fire anymore either, like it just went away all together, very odd. I don't understand any part of it. & it doesn't even look like they melted, they're the same, maybe it was some fire illusion or something but it seemed pretty real, the sad part is I didn't want to help them or do anything, I didn't feel anything when I saw them on fire, I was actually glad they were ON FIRE! Does that make me a bad person? It was just this oh their on fire, big deal kind of nothing feeling I didn't really care. What does that say about me?

* January 14, 2009

18 This morning, in that other world again, the Para-world. Mum & I were living in this apartment, normally, that apartment is way up high, but this time, I couldn't tell, it was just the same jungle theme wall paper green everywhere, moss & green furniture, it was weird before there was me in the same apartment with the books everywhere, but not her, someone else in her place, like she came by or something, but I wasn't older, I was like 20 maybe. Anyways. The I HATE the Para-world, it pisses me off because I've never been there but I can remember it like it was yesterday in this world, like a side world apart from this one. I hate it. I get that worlds memories and this ones mixed up, so I'm like I did that before, but it hasn't been done yet, THUS, I TURN INTO THE LIAR! I'm not a liar. So some people came over to visit. Mums friends or something, and guess who I see again all back to his normal self again? Just guess, you'll never guess it but its true, he fucked up by turning into a vamp, but somehow he turned back into demon form again, I was kind of glad he wasn't a vampire anymore but still it was like there were hints he still could be a vampire, is he really that lame to try & trick people. Half of us already knew his dumb mistake, now he tries to cover it up. That's not the point, point is, he was NORMAL, meaning he was his regular dumb ass self again with the freaky ears. His eyes were that bloodshot red anymore but like that indigo color. Pretty normal don't you think? Lets see, he wasn't happy to see my mum though, he hates her for some god dam reason, but hey he wasn't angry to see me, he was actually happy, sort of, unlike last time, he didn't even talk when they other guys went out drinking, and I AGREED to come. He was shocked, like I wouldn't ever do anything like that, only demons are allowed to get drunk and run from the huge red blue trunks on the high way. He was angry at all of us then, jack ass ruined our fun. I don't have a lot of fun, but when I do, I'd wish he'd appreciate the fact that I'm trying to enjoy life. Anyways, so I saw like these guys that came in and sat down, they started talking, and tysui was with them, like I knew these guys but not too much, but tysui knew me and he just smiled at me, the whole time they were laughing and happy. Nothing boring or bad, then night time, I went to sleep, the next day I woke up and they were already up and laughing again, then I came in the room, they were sitting down, I sat down but I had to go take a shower, so I was like I'll sit for a little while, I sat next to tysui and he was like you're awake already. Like it was early or something. I was like yeah I'm going to go take a shower, and I went, when I got out, there was no one there, the apartment was empty, quiet, no sounds, they had all left, then mom came in the room, and I said where did everyone go, she said they had to leave. And I was like they didn't even say good bye or tell me they were going to leave like that. I felt so hurt inside, very bad, but then mom said careful, there are mice in the apartment. Not huge rats, just tiny mice, she went in the kitchen and I followed her asking why'd they leave, and then a mouse when past my foot across the kitchen floor. Then I went to this bedroom, and there was another mouse there, so mom was shocked and said there are two mice here? Kill them. It was a very strange dream because it didn't really make sense to me. The weird thing is that I feel closer and closer to tysui than I normally would, its like somehow there's this mind connection or something. Its so strange, I see him more often then before. And I'm wondering why I see him if he's not real, or how I even keep thinking he's real but he's not, just this other world. I see he is like he normally would be, I hadn't seen him in a very long time, I didn't see him in my dreams for months, after that vampire dream. But now I see him so many times in just one week, its odd. And he's not a vampire or blood crazy, just normal himself. At least it shows he's not dead or gone.

* January 28 or 29, 2009 6 or 7 am

18 This dream was hazy or foggy or whatever you want to call it, it was pretty normal compared to the crap I dream all the time. Ok, so I'm hovering in the air again like a ghost from long time ago, I see myself in this house I've lived in all my life or something. The one with the red and black curtains. Yeah that one the creepy one where that vampire stalks me or something. And tysui is a jack ass. Yeah that one. Anyways. I see myself walking, and walking, long hallways going on and on, I think to myself I'm lost, then there's this early morning light dew image or something, in the corner of a turn in the hallway at the very end, there's light bright light from the sun I'm guessing, the window is open and the walls are about 20 feet high so I'm guessing the window was about a doors length. 10 feet or so tall, since it was open and I could see the light coming in, there was wind too. That window for some reason had thin white curtains, it was odd because I've never seen any window in this house before with WHITE CURTAINS! And here this one all by itself, I remember walking closer to the window, I think that fucking vampire pushed me out the window or something because I blank out after that. He hates me! He tried to drown me, lock me in this hell closet with skulls everywhere, he left me in a cemetery one time and forget to tell the others I was there. He even tried to get me arrested by saying I stole candy or something like that from the stupid store we go to get milk from. This was sad. He really wants me gone but I'm not going anywhere, and if he bites me he dies! Not from my blood but like the others will kill him. He's been warned 2 times now, 3rd time, he won't be waking up from that stupid coffin he loves to sleep in. I thought about nailing the top of the coffin but then I was like nah, he'll kill me, and I rather not die from his poisonous claws or fangs. I rather have a bullet in my gut or something quick maybe just maybe. I want to see him suffer first anyways before he dies. So I'm waiting for him to slip up! He hasn't yet, he plots his evils plant to kill me and not get caught. The others have not found any proof that links him to the time when he left me in the cemetery. Anyways, I zone back in, what do you call that. Zoom in or something. This room is still foggy, I see the white curtains again, but this time there is someone standing with their back to me. I've learned from my dreams to NEVER EVER TRUST ANYONE! These demons and vampires can play tricks on you and they love to trick humans! I hate being a human around them, its like they know I'm weaker, and I am weaker, they don't say it to my face, but they know I'm just a human, and that's an insult coming from these creatures. They're not human, they look human, to some extent, but they're completely different species or something, they're from hell or worse. But they're nice. In front of me, I don't know why they say behind my back. Probably foul human things, even the shabby one, the oldest vampire, mocks me during lunch every fucking day. I'm like, what did I do to you asshole? They actually like my messed up personality and they don't mind when I curse or mock them because I don't know. I guess they like having humans around or something to make themselves seem better or something. I don't like it, and that Virtush guy came back, the vampire half breed guy who killed children for fun. That messed up guy actually talks to me. I don't like him, he's messed up in the head, his eyes are piercing yellow, not pale, but like orange yellow and they have that dinosaur effect where he flips his eyes or something and they change from yellow to bright blue, its not even blue, it's a shade of its own blue! it's a SOMETHING NOT HUMAN blue eye-color, its fucking creepy and I wish he'd just go away. He pretends to be nice, I can see it, he really just wants to kill me. Off point, true dream, the person who had their back to me, I got closer, and I was like ohh who is this? Someone new? Someone I know? A friend of something I might know who is new? Questions, and it was one of my normal-demon friend, he doesn't stalk me, he's very nice, he was holding a big package box and saw me and smiled then I lost the dream. Guess who it was, it was tysui. Big deal I see him all the time. Its not a big surprise.

* February 4, 2009, early around 7am

18 I could see from my eyes, it wasn't like I'm floating around and I see myself, I was looking at the view or the world through my eyes, like I am right now, and I was sitting down and there was someone there, I don't know who, I didn't see them or their face, I didn't hear them or anything, just like there, someone that I knew very well, but I don't have memory of them. This person gave me this necklace, it was huge heavy gold center, completely made of gold, plain but had this stripe design to it, like my ring, the one I wear normally on my left hand ring finger. Double coating with the side rows and then a drill type design all around the diamond shape of the center piece. I've never seen anything like it and I'm not crazy or fascinated by jewels or money, riches or gold, but its pretty and I like just a little, not too much, I only like gold rings anyways. So I wasn't shocked or anything but it was huge, I've never seen that type of necklace, looked like some old Aztec royal traditional gold that the queen wore when she ruled the empire as a widow. It had this thick gold chain and there was no hook. It had 2 ends like the gold could fold and bend and be knotted or something. In the center of the gold piece, there was a diamond shaped ruby, it was like dark blood or something, and I remember this person whoever it was, just held the necklace for me to look at it. It was dim but light, the room didn't have any windows, or it was night and there was fire everywhere, the entire place I couldn't tell if the walls were fire but something wasn't right. And then this person put the necklace around my neck and connected it. I have no idea how because the ends weren't hooks or locks like modern day but there was something about that necklace, I can't get it out of my head, I forgot most of the dream. But I remember that item so well. The fire hit the gold and ruby so perfectly it looked as if the ruby was blood and had this melting effect. I can't explain it, it just was there. So key terms, gold, ruby, red, gold, fire, night, dark, and the creepy mystery person who gave me that necklace in the first place, I already wear a nice light chain, I don't want anymore, this is more than enough because I feel like its going to chock me in my sleep, I hate chains. I don't like wearing stuff around my neck, its weird and I'm not a dog, I'm a human, I don't need a collar. And a chain is like a collar if you think far enough. Its around your neck and someone can pull on it, you could hang from it, whatever and it's dangerous. The sad part is, my mom already has this other chain which is heavier and has more gold and jewels on it than this one, they are rubies but this purple indigo and light pink color jewel crap, she told me to wear it, I ended up trashing is, she got pissed so she got me this other lighter chain, its that real pure Arabian or whatever, It's suppose to be a good luck charm or something, anyways, its worth more than regular gold processed around the world, so if I ever feel like I need money bad, I got about 7 gold rings, tons of shitty diamond and jewel earrings I can bargain easy, and then I have these amulets with gems and gold chains. I think I can manage if I'm on my own with no money, but then again, she didn't give me this to sell, she said its common traditions for the top meaning like the first generation from the 6-9 in our family have to wear this, shows some signs of bloodlines or something, mothers from this mogul bloodline or so she says, her 6-great grandfather was the last king or something, and even if this king was real, where the hell did all his shit go? She says he spent it on women after his throne was taken from him. He had only 3 sons and no daughters, he married them long before world war 1 (WWI) with I think is completely fake baloney! Maybe its true, I wouldn't count on that. Who cares if this freak was a king, all I know is that I never knew this person and I'm not interested about where I came from, I don't care about my bloodlines because the more you dig, you ask more questions than you find answers to. And I rather not know anything about my bloodlines.

* February 17, 2009, 9:00pm

18 Things have changed, so some point, I see things differently, where once I used to think of a certain object in this matter, now I take it further to a new level of thinking, I see what mother was talking about, today is their 20th anniversary and like most couples, they hate each other, just living out the rest of their life with this spouse it's sad to see how love dies, if there ever was any to begin with. In the end we're all fools looking for a better life when we already have it, I don't see what or why we try to improve our life, it's all going to end up burning or getting buried, everything is going to end one day, why should I cherish shit if I know it's junk in the first place, I quit caring, and with that, I seem to have lost my ability to feel others pain or joy, at first, about 7 years ago, I was caring for people around me, when they were happy, so I was I, if they were sad, so was I, now it's all downhill, I stopped caring for material objects a few years back, when I realized its useless to treasure junk that's eventually going to end up in a junkyard. And with that, I slowly stopped caring for the people around me, I don't care if my mom is sad or if my brothers are happy, I still hate them, I can't feel their emotions, I'm not dead, I know that, I'm just bored, what's there to look forward to? What's my goal? The average common question a person my age would be asking when thrown into this ugly world. I'm lost, and I don't see a light anywhere, and I'm one of those people that quits looking for one, if I can't see a light, there must not be one then, what's the point of searching. I've been having more strange dreams lately, dead people dreams, like I'm dead and my body keeps moving, it's not going anywhere, it's just moving, and I can see through my eyes. I don't see blood as much as I used to, I smell blood but I don't see it. It's like I'm covered in blood or something. I still see the crazy demons, they're beginning to annoy me, I don't mind them, I like them, they are nice, sometimes, but since I forget most of my vision, and I keep having deja vu's, it's hard to figure out if they're real or just made up, if they are only in my dreams or are they more than that, because lately I've been getting real life and fake dream world mixed up, it's like when I wake up, I've already lived this day, I know what I'm going to do, what is going to happen, but it's this huge déjà vu thing that gives me a headache, I feel sick all the time, my body hurts from the inside sometimes. When I close my eyes, I see images I can't put together. And I keep getting bitten around my neck, I wake up, and I see these marks like someone scratched me or something, long marks on my arms, and my neck. My neck is red or burning I don't know what it is, I think it's some bug or something that keeps biting me, but there aren't any bugs in my room, pretty much all died after I sprayed the entire place with that red poison that kills any bacteria, bugs, rats, whatever, pests. Whatever it is, I want it to stop. oh I got a job xD its good, I think, my feet hurt after 8 hours, but still, it's fun because I get to meet a lot of good people, and the people that I work with are very nice, they help me out and stuff. That's all. Oh and slayer keeps sending me spam because I told him he's a piece of shit! xD

* March 23, 2009 Around 7 or 8 am

18 I was in this factory, it smelled of blood everywhere, I could smell the scent of blood in every direction. I was in the basement of the factory, the walls were gray and there were blood stains everywhere on the walls, like someone smeared blood on them or something, different shades, bright red, to dark red, some like dry paint, brown, like chipped paint. At first, the smell was killing me, it was just this strong force weighing down my lungs, very hard to breathe. The basement looked more like a large hall, like a rectangle box, on the left side of one of the four corners, there was a small door, the door was about 4 or 5 inches thick and made of stainless steel for some reason. It had locks on it from top to bottom. For major protection against what, don't know. Somehow I knew of this place, I'd heard rumors about people dying down here, I wasn't sure how but they did, behind that thick door was a long room, like a skinny rectangle and it had one counter across the room. There was some mature aged, around 30 or 40 years old lady standing in the room, moving piles of red meat from one side to this huge container on the floor, this container was about ten feet wide and 7 feet in height, it was a huge box full of hot bloody meat. The lady had brown hair, kind of cubby, was wearing a brown skirt with white dots, she was wearing stockings and had fat legs. She had buckled shoes and was wearing a white lab coat. She was the typical war bot excuse woman sort. The pig faced uneducated whore. When I first walked into that basement, she gave me this evil look, I was walking down with someone else, this other guy, he had blonde hair, short 3 -4 inch long dirty blonde, had that surfer face like he'd just got back from the beach with an awful tan. Had on jeans and a blue with stripe shirt. He looked innocent enough to be called stupid to his face and get away with it. anyway, that was the room I was in and who I saw. There was this huge machine in front of me, to the side of the room. It covered the whole side like in the smaller room, how the counter took up all of one side, same here, except this was a huge machine, black with red smeared EVERYWEHRE! I mean even the buttons and levels on this thing were just covered in think hot blood like someone just recently died. The blood wasn't dry, still wet and dripping. Kind of creeped me out but bloods not that bad, and I got used to the heavy stench of it fast. There was the same container already loaded on top of this huge machine, I just had to push a few buttons, load the meat into this clear tank, and basically flush is down this drain or whatever it was in the machine, I don't know what was inside this machine, but there was something there. So I did that, but for some reason, the meat had to have human smell in it or something, so the guy actually got into this tank full of meat and had me pull the level. Like he was live bait or something. When I pulled the level. The left side of the tank opened just a little bit, and the right side had holes where this water was filling up the tank. This water was like disgusting gray goubles or something. It was like oozing gray slime but it acted like water, very fast in movement even though it looked like super slow slime. So the left side door, opened some more, and all that was inside the tank started moving towards the left. And falling out, where? I don't know. Suddenly there was this screech, this horrid scream that almost make my ears bleed, it was this awful sound of this monstrous creature. I saw that behind the left door, there was this black octopus like thing, it was like this mix of octopus, shark, tiger, and jellyfish thing, this DISGUSTING AWFUL HIDOIUT THING was trapped in this machine, and I was feeding it fresh meat from cows and sheep..maybe even humans. It was scary and shocking. As the liquid or water finished draining all the meat out of the door, the left side started to close again, but right before it could, 3 of the black creatures tentacles reached into the tank from the little space the left door had, these tentacles were think like pencils, didn't look like they could harm anyone. But they grab the blonde dude that got in the tank for human stink. Sadly, it was the rules and I already knew them somehow that if that happens, flush the tank again. So I did that but this time the left door opened more and the tentacles grabbed him tightly and pulled him down into the who knows where. The left door closed and someone died again before my dream was over.

* March 31, April 1 2009 Around 12 pm

18 i slept super late. So sometime in the morning, since the other night I was so tired I fell asleep and didn't wake up till I heard them fighting in the morning like they do every day. But I went back to sleep because I was still very tired from the other day. So what I saw or remember, strange place, first I was in this room, like a school or something, and there were other people but I don't remember them, just know there was a crowd of strangely dressed people, like from china, and they were learning magic, not just any magic, but dark sorcery stuff, like making people come back from the beyond and creating life from molecules of air or something, I've never read up on this type of magic, I'm not sure if its even possible, but I learned how to how hide a scroll inside a human. Like magically! It's so gay but somehow it helps later on. So I leave that place and I'm walking in some forest, its creepy and I can see these ghosts or spirits flying around the trees, its creepy but I don't really give a damn because I just don't, I'm not scared of them, it's like I know them because they see me and kind of smile like I'm suppose to know them somehow. Some of them know my name which is even stranger. Later, I notice it dark outside, I feel like I've skipped over my whole journey or something, but now it's dark out, it's raining and I'm in this wooden made house or cabin, I'm still in China or Japan, I don't know. And I see Inuyasha, it's strange because every time I see him in my dreams he ends up dying very painfully. But here he's not dying, he's just sitting in the wooden house smiling away at the rain like something amazing has happened and he in love with himself. I don't know. Then I see Sesshoumaru, he is also sitting there peacefully, nothing special there. He's boring as can be. He looks at me and tells me to get the scroll, I'm like what scroll, I don't know what scroll he's talking about, he's like the secret life scroll or something. I';m really lost at this point, and then Inuyasha turns to me and says its hidden in that guy remember? And I'm still very lost, but to leave them alone and stop a fight before it starts, I say fine I remember, and I leave the cabin, it's raining fucking hard outside and I'm getting pissed because I don't know what the hell they are talking about. So I walk around this town or village I'm in and I see this scary dark mansion place with dying trees and shit. So I'm ok, maybe I'll find something useful in this dying hellhole. But I'm a lot nicer in my mind. I see this guy sleeping and for some odd reason I see a scroll in his neck, that's really creepy, but I take and run, I'm pretty sure that guy was dead but still, who cares, I got the damn scroll. I take it and give it to Inuyasha, he says it's not his, its mine, I'm like what do I do with it? He's like I don't know, it's your scroll. So I don't remember after that. Another huge dream chunk lost, next I'm in the forest again, but its daytime, I hear lots of noise from someplace, so I walk towards the noise and behind the trees, and I see this sea sight cliff edge place. It's like the edge of the forest, and on the bottom is an ocean. There are 5 tables nicely spaced out, there are wooden chairs around the tables, each table is a perfect square. And not surprisingly, these people or creatures or things enjoying the nice wind and sunshine know me somehow, I'm acting like a freaking 2 year old jumping from chair to chair which I didn't think was gay at the time. I don't jump from chair to chair unless there are sharks in the room swimming trying to eat me. But here, for no reason, maybe because I'm so happy that these people are here even though I don't know them. They aren't people at all, there are some strange puppets that can talk, they're on the last table, the 4th table has these weird furry things that look cute but very dangerous to go near and say hi to. The 3rd table I don't remember. They must not be important. The 2nd table had Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru and some other creatures. They're not human, they are demons I know that much. They might fool others into thinking they're human, but I know they're not and most of them are really mean and snobby so I stay away from there. The first table is where I want to sit because it's nice and there's only 2 people there, it's not crowded and it's under the shade. And then I go on the other side of the table, and I see Sephiroth, who seems to be drunk. And I see Tysui, who is just bored staring at the sky. I'm like hey, mind if I sit here, Sephiroth just says uhhh yeah go ahead. Just don't bother me. Ok, Tysui is being a jerk, says nah, you're not allowed here, and I'm like why not? I'm trying to be nice but this guy pisses me off. He's like because you suck and you're not as friendly as everyone thinks you are, be yourself and you can sit here, I'm like , I fucking hate you piece of shit!! And he's like, there, that's the reesha I know, and he smilies cuz now everyones looking at me like I'm crazy. And I'm soooo embarrassed, this fucktard always gets me in trouble with others. So while the others stare at me with this evil glare I only get from Tyree sometimes when he's hungry and I'm the closest thing to food near him. And all the while, Tysui is just smiling away drinking wine or something, or blood, it's something dark red, he doesn't drink blood, he's not a vampire, or he shouldn't be. he was before, not anymore, because he was normal, meaning demon, than changed into a half vampire, everyone gave him a hard time, he went crazy, couldn't handle the pressure of something, then he actually died because some blood issue came up, and now he's alive again but he's still drinking blood, why? Maybe it's just whine or tomato juice! Like V8! His eyes are normal color so I don't think its blood he's drinking. Even so, he shouldn't have been so mean, he made me curse in front of people I don't know but they know me. It's this really bad feeling that makes me wish I was dead or very small. He knows I curse a lot, but I try not to curse so much when I'm around those other creepy demons, they fucking scare me. And they'd probably try to kill me or something because of half of them really hate humans, I'm pretty sure I was still human, I'm not changing. Even if Tyree kills me it's unlikely I'll reverse. Strange thing is, Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru weren't killing each other and Sephiroth and Sesshoumaru weren't killing each other, those two really hate each other for some reason or another. And Sephiroth was druck! Tysui and Sephiroth get along really well for some reason, I wish they'd kill each other but man, that never happens. Because they both are good at killing and pissing people off. So it shouldn't be so hard to wake up one morning and see those two killing each other or drowning each other in the pool. But sadly, they get along TOO WELL like they're lovers or gay something's not right here.

* April 28 or 29, 2009 i saw this around 7-9 am

18 i was in a this long wooden boat in the middle of this thick dark deep jungle swamp. i was sitting in the front of the boat, there were two other guys with me, one of them i think was tysui, the other one i'm not sure of, maybe a friend or something. but he could walk on water, or this river we were on. as we were flowing down the river, there was something shiny and golden sparkling in the water near these tall grasses, the other guy pointed to them and got out of the boat, walked over to the object, and tried to pull it out but it was stuck, it was like some golden sandle or disc, very cool but i woke up before i could know for sure.

* May 5, 2009

18 today i had this very strange dream, it was actually like i have another life in my dreamworld and i know this place very well because i visit it so often in my dreams. theres a beach, and a little further from there is this huge stone side walk that people take walks on, theres a train station like building but its actually like a small tall vacation resort with white bricks and square structure. i was there with some friend i don't know who. we were playing tag and he was winning! there, i can climb and jump off high places and not ever get hurt, like there's no gravity or air pressure. so i can almost fly around. i took a walk on the stone wall like always, along the walk, there's a museum with this very stange stuff. its like tall native indian artifacts like tall trees with their artifacts stuck to the trees like stairs, everytime you touch or step on a object, it plays music from your.

* May 28, 2009

18 the night before yesterday, may 27ths night, i saw this wonderland full of snow, everything covered in a beautiful thick white blanket snow, must have been about 2 to 3 inches of snow and i think i was in a park or someplace very quiet like a forest hiking area. it was all flat land but there were hints of a playground and some wooden benches for sitting, it was just beautiful, because all i could see what white, the sky too what all white, and it was heavy snow still falling from above as i stood there, landing on me maybe, it was just silent bliss. last night, i had a dream, i don't know where i was or how old, but i remember this girl in the same room or place as me, and she i think had black hair, she had a key in her hand, golden key and she wouldnt let me see it, she gave it to inuyasha who i do remember and he had the key in one of his pockets in this red robe. so i jumped him and started searching his pockets for the key, but he had so many pockets and i don't remember the rest.

* June 02, 2009

18 i feel like something is about to happen, not something good or bad, but something BIG! i had a dream this morning around 7:00 am i'm in a tub, its kind of white and pale pink as i remember it. pretty big and then there's water falling on me, theres blood in the tub, i think i'm bleeding and then the drainer at the bottom closes, so the blood and water mixes and fills the tub to the top, then i try and reach in the darkness in the tub and find the drainer plug at the bottom, i try it but it doesn't seem to move, a little while later, it comes out as soon as the tubs about to overflow, there is soo much blood in the tub with guts and i don't know what, i'm just standing in it trying to take a shower, it was soo creepy!!! never had a dream like this one before, i'm pretty sure it was my blood...i think. but it come out of no where so quickly i wasn't sure if there was a dead body in the tub already at the bottom... scary dream huh? i haven't seen tysui in a while, wonder where he is hiding?

* June 22, 2009

18 i remember the time was around 8 or 8:30 am, and what i recall is very unpleasent. i remember first finding myself in this thick dense jungle, unlike other times where i'm in a dark forest, this was tropical wetland like a swamp with a full jungle view. i looked up and there was light meaning this was around daytime, i could see the sunlight hitting the canopy but very few patches of light could be seen on the ground i was walking on, at the very bottom of this tall jungle. i heard these noises that you'd hear, very busy jungle life. animals here and there, i wasn't alone, there was a group of people, i'm guessing it was somewhere in south america since the people reminded me of the aztec civilization. it was an odd feeling, then i turned behind me and saw this door carved in this huge thick dark brown tree, the door was just an outline but when you tried to look inside it, it was all darkness, like there was nothing to see, not even the inside of the tree...complete darkness that stretched for miles and miles within that door, and it wasn't squre, it was arch shaped from the top, from the ground stood about 10 feet tall. seemed like we had come to this place from that door. it was a link or something. a transporating system. and i was kind of scared but mostly lost, then this guy tapped my shoulder and said hey look, there are gold coins on the floor. and i was like really, and he held one out on his hand, i looked around and i too, saw these thick gold coins, flat on one side, but round like a marble on the other, all facing down so the flat side was lain against the ground, they looked like gold round rocks but it was actually gold, i picked a few but then dropped them because i saw something better i guess. and i saw broken jewelry all over the place, at first i hadn't seen it but the gold coins led me to this discovery, very big thick gold jewelry just laid waste there, it was broken up but i found some parts of a necklace and maybe braclet. not sure. the gold had very interesting designs, one part was a broken braclet and was chained with hooks, every chain link had a square design on it, i can remember the details, then i saw larger pieces of this jewelry, this time i found this 3 pointed thing, maybe it was part of a necklace centerpiece but it was so big and heavy, maybe a broken crown but it reminded me of a scepter, like poseidon's trident, all in gold with this huge blue jewel in the center, at big as my fingures in the center spike, and more jewels all around it, i remember seeing light blue and red jewels. i picked it up and took it back to where the group was, and i told the guy look there's a lot of gold and jewels from broken stuff here, and he looked at me and then looked around on the floor, but shook his head, looked back at me and said what are you talking about, i don't see anything, there's only gold coins here, but i could see parts of a thick gold chain on the ground, i picked it up to show to him, but he didn't or couldn't see it, and just said i was insane and moved on, i dropped the gold chain back but took the trident looking top with me. later, i tried to convince others in the group that there really is more here than they see, but they wouldn't listen, i tried to show them the 3 spiked trident thing but they wouldn't believe me. like they couldn't see it. and i saw mohommud, my manager from work, i don't talk to him because he's very slick and evil in my opinion, he plays games and pins his employees against one another, he likes to start fights among eachother so he can watch like a king... he hates me i think. so i see him, my arms are full because i have some bags i'm carrying, and i have the trident thing in my hand, so only my left hand is empty, and he comes over with this shitty look of hate and disgust and hands me this snake so he can look at this trident or something. the snake isn't actually a snake, its one of those tiny long tube light-green things, its got two black dots for eyes and that's it, its all coiled up like a rope and when i try to grab it, mohummud turns it so when i grab it i'm holding is uphanded than down handed, and there's enough lenght for it to get close to my face, i hold its body but its reaching distance to my face isn't far. i try to keep it a bay, my arm stretched, i'm really pissed at this fuckhole muhummud cuz he did this on purpose, i know it! then there's some noise and he's making this commotion or something ahead of the group, i tried to catch up with the others but i'm walking kind of slow, so when i stop, the snake thing takes this chance to big my right cheek. and i freak out! it lets go of my skin but it hurts like getting poked by a bunch of needles. and that's all i remember. i hate muhummod, he's very sly and normally plots revenge for no reason, he likes to watch people suffer, he's up to no good i bet.

* July 03, 2009

18 i think this was 4 or 5 days ago, i forgot i had this dream but i remembered in july 1st and just didn't have time to post it. i asked mom what it meant, and she said, that it means my life grew longer, my life is longer so i'll live longer than what is written for me. its confusing but hte point is i'll live longer. she said this isn't a common dream but its known to be seen by very few people all around the world so most elderly people know what this dream means anywhere around the world. what i saw, i was my age, 18, and i saw my teeth falling, my front teeth were loose and about to fall, and i was thinking in the dream, i already lost my baby teeth, how can i loose these now? this early! and i thought it was because of all the ice i eat, ice keeps me cold and calm but at the same time, it will do a damage on my teeth in a few years, i don't know, so i promised myself not to eat ice in my dream. but still in real life i'm icing away. so losing or falling teeth is a sign that your life has just gotten longer i suppose.

* July 21, 2009

19 this dream really confuses me, i woke up and there was sand everywhere, then i saw pyramids, and i knew, this was egypt, but it was like i'd been living there, strangest feeling, like the cold bloody dreams where everythings dead but still moving. there was a palace right behind me, huge, made of sand and stone, or maybe just the same color of sand, doesn't matter, it was huge, i went inside and there were no doors by the way, the doors where just rectangles cut out in the walls, but they were covered with jewels and such, and different colored cloths, it was cool, not hot at all, dry and windy weather, the skies were this hazel color, not blue or white, and inside the palace, there was a courtyard, and these amazing plants were planted in neat rows. just beautiful. then i guess i was on a job or mission, something i had to do. there was me, this other girl, her boyfriend i think, and even stranger than the desert palace was the fact that i saw Tysui there, i didn't know he liked sand. no one likes sand, beach sand maybe, but this was Egypt sand, just something i would like to see but not walk on. i've had other dreams in Egypt but this one was more modern, so the 4 of us were on this mission, i didn't see or talk to anyone else in the entire dream, it was just us 4, from the courtyard, i caught up with the girl, she and i went halfway up this side wall and moved to this higher side of the palace, under which the kings room would have been, though i never saw the king, i saw his room was covered in red, not blood but jewels, he had so many fire rubies, and they remind me now of my other dream where i was in that same room, and someone was handing me these fire rubies, bloody red, and gold necklaces, this king really loved his rubies and gold. we met up with the guys on a higher ceiling and were off to do whatever it was, i don't know what but the others knew, somehow i'd forgotten or i wasn't aware of it in the first place, then we moved along the upper halls of the palace and had to cross this port bridge to get to the riverside. suddenly, hell broke loose, and we weren't the only ones there, there was a war or something, but it was being lauched at us, someone had spotted us and now these fireballs were flying through the air dead on. basically, they were ancient bombs, we started moving faster, the other guy got out this curved dagger, and jumped down, guess he started hacking away at whomever messed with us, Tysui also left us, so the two of us were all alone and still being targetted by the fire things. so i grabbed the other girls hand and ran for it, we didn't get far before one of the attacks destroyed the sand/stone bridge. feeling trapped and out of hope, i thought about jumped to our deaths, but then the guy came back from behind us, told us to jump across while he took out the guards, so we did, we roped across to the other side, and started heading for the river side, there was some hidden place there, we went and i looked back, Tysui was behind us, he was acting average, very humanlike, it was odd, he didn't seem like his old self, more peaceful yet blood-thirsty, something was seriously wrong but he was pretty much silent all thoughout the job. when we reached our stop. we rested for a while, we were near the river side, it was like a crappy beach but with more sand than water, she asked where her boyfriend went and Tysui said he didn't make it, there was an explosion right before he got to the rope. which was sad, but the girl just was dead dead, she went pale and didn't say a word, i think she really loved him a lot or something but she was a pain in the ass for bitching so much. it was sad for me because our job might be at risk of failure which i wasn't about to let happen. i said we should keep going, still i had no clue what we were up to or doing, i could still see the palace, some parts of it lit on fire. and the rest is a blur. i don't remember the rest.

* August 28, 2009, early

19 i've been having more patchy dreams than ever before, i can't remember exactly what happened or anything, i had a deja vu 2 days ago which was the first in a very long time, i think i'm getting my head straight. i know that when i stress myself with many things, big or small, i do tend to loose that sight i have. early this morning, maybe in the middle of the night, i saw this park, it was night. there was an Arbbys little hut, and the chairs where those pinic wooden tables with the chairs attached out in the open, at night, with lights and lanterns hung in the trees. so me and some friends when there, and we gathered our money, and they made me go and order, so i went, but the line was very long, and this kid, who looked like Ethan or maybe it was him, was taking forever to order, he was annoying, after he left, i took some time to order because i get nervous when i order stuff in places like Arbbys, so i did finally, they didn't tell me what they wanted, i think i was 19, like how i am now, not older. so i went back and sat down waiting for my order, but that kid again, Ethan or maybe it was Tyler, he and his friends were sitting next to our table, and the whole time, i wanted him to shut up. thats all i remember. like i said, lately my dreams are really patchy and i can barely remember much.

* September 14, 2009, morning

19 in this dream, i wasin this huge museum but it was more than that, it had portals to places in time and it was 100 stories or something. at first i think i was alone, but later, i joined up with someone, some other girl, i was very little, but then by the end of the dream i was more adult like. and i remember this: i went up the heavy thick wooden stairs to some level where i didn't see any people, i went in some room, and in there there was this light glowing in the middle of the room. just hovering 4 feet off the ground, no strings, no support, just hovering and glowing very bright white light with some other light colors, and all of a sudden it had this sucking inward look, like it was some blackhole except small and white not black and in outer space. so as i got closer, there i was sucked in or something, and i saw this huge golden statue of GOD, or Zeus sitting, all in gold, his chair in marble, the room was huge maybe 100 feet up, the statue alone was almost 80 feet, it was hugehuge!!! never seen anything like it, looked just like Zeus from Hercules the disney movie, when he goes to this temple where there's a statue of his dad in gold! there were even white ivory columns on both sides of the statue to keep the roof up. it was amazing. next i somehow found myself in a different room in the museum, and next all of a sudden, i was underwather, it was dark but it i didn't feel like i was under water, just LOOKED like i was, there was another person floating in the water next to me, it was dark blue and i couldn't see anything far into the distance i think we were really really deep. the only reason i could see 10 feet away was because there was this baseball site pinkish red light that glowed so bright! and when i looked at it, it turned out to be a god, and the other person said, i think they were a kid, don't know about boy/girl. but they pointed at the light, and i saw another golden statue, but it was actually not golden, the figure was moving, it was big, 20 feet maybe, it was a woman, white ivory skin, the light turned yellow and white, the lady had green eyes, green cloths, didn't look like she was underwater, i could somehow breathe under water and she was a god, athena maybe, not sure, hera because she had black dark long hair pulled up with a clip. she was so beautiful. but then i zapped out of there somehow and was in another place, not the museum, but this white sand place, not a dessert, just white sand everywhere, like a mining ground maybe. and i saw this huge wooden door in the ground, like 50 feet maybe. and then i opened in half, both sides of the door opened up and i could see this deep inward place, the walls seemed solid around the area, and there were stairs, so as we walked down around the wooden stairs, the bottom became more visable, but before we could even get halfway down. the god woke up from another door in the ground, and i saw him, it was like a coffin he was sleeping in, huge feet. his coffin was in another part of the white sand place. but it was just as big, with the two wooden doors, and like a square pool. so he got up and came to where we were, and broke the circle stairs that went down in the hole we were in. and i was scared, because he blocked my path, and was going to kill me. i was panicing. but the the dream flipped and i was on the other side of the monster or god. and i ran out of the pool like underground room using the stairs the didn't destory. out of there and back in one of the museum rooms, i got out of that room fast and saw stairs, and saw kids coming up in a straight line like a field trip thing, so i went down because i don't like to be in crowded places. as i was goind down the stairs, i saw familiar faces of my friends from highschool, debohra, joolan, aeliya, and i went down while they were in line going up on the outer side of the stairs, my path on the inner part of the staircase was clear so i went down and left that dream. the other dream i had was kind of like i went to a different level of the museum, i went in this room, and i was an adult, and then i saw bookshelfs, very big tall dark brown bookshelfs touching the ceiling, and stacked with big dark colored books, and then i heard some fuss, so i went closer to the sounds, turns out i saw this demon lady and tysui, he was almost trying to run away or hide, he looked scared but mostly annoyed, and this demon lady was all dark brown, kind of scary, she almost looked like she had tree bark for skin, it was weird. and she was like where's reesha? and tysui was like who? and she said again where's reesha, you know that human, and he was like oh her, she's not human anymore, didn't you know that, she's more demon than human, and the demon lady looked at him with a funny look, almost like a do-you-think-i'm-stupid-look and i hid behind the shelf so i wouldn't be seen, and then she cornered him closer to a shelf and he was like come on, you know she's not here right now, she's gone for now, she' busy, he started making up stuff, lying to her to keep her away from me, i don't know who she was but she was scary so i stayed hidden. and he got closer to a shelf, but this shelf didn't have books, but like other stuff, makeup and white squares, and he was like see, she left her stuff, she's busy doing something. and the demon lady said ok, and left. and that's what i remember.

* September 18, 2009

19 so i had a dream, it's pretty strange, somehow my parents knew about someone i never thought they'd know about, and this is what i remember. i was like around 25 or so, and i walked in the front door, and they were standing on the stairs with jackets going out in the cold around evening time. and i was like where are you going? and they were like just out, and i was like ok, i was tired, i think i had been at work all day or something. so i was like ok, and then mom was like while putting her shoes on, oh i forgot to tell you, and i was like what? she said he called...and i was like who called? and then she was like you know who, i was like uhh not sure, who? then she said krot called, and i was like thinking to myself "who the fuck is this krot?" but it turns out that was the last name, she said that was his last name, i didn't understand. and then dad also said, it was that guy you told us about, and i was so confused, because i didn't know who this krot was. then my mom tried to say the persons first name but she couldn't say it right because its an odd name. and then when i figured out who it was, i was like WHAT?! and they were just laughing and said alright, see ya. and it shocked me that they knew more than i'd expected them to know. they were talking about tysui!

* October 9, 2009, Friday around 3am

19 background info: I was older like I am in this type of dream, somewhere around 25 or 26, and in that house with the dark colors, the heavy curtains and stuff, the old musty smell of dusty carpets and so on, you know the one I've mentioned before. Anyways, I come (home) it's strange that I call that place "home" because it's not really my home, I just happen to be living there every time I see myself in that house, in these types of dreams. It's not rare for me to be alone, even though it's a pretty huge place, but still this odd evening, I guess in the dead of winter, my legs hurt in the winter from walking in the snow or the cold wind. So I know its winter, plus, it's around 6pm and it's already dark outside so it must be autumn or winter, anyway, enough background info. This is what I remember. I open the door because I have the keys or something, and I drop all my bags and stuff I had, paperwork and junk, I don't even know what type of work I've been doing all day, just a lot of paperwork, heavy black bags and cases with more papers with seals on them. Don't know. Anyway, I drop all that junk, plus I'm wearing black high heels which I hate to death, but I am, and the pointy ones too, the sharp ones that can kill someone if aimed correctly. I take them off right by the door. Leave all my stuff there, close the door, walk over to the living room, it's not dark, there are lights still on but no one is there, it's so quiet it's scary! So I go and sit on the sofa, all alone, wishing the lights would go off so I'd just sleep there, but I decide to turn the TV on, now the TV is so far away I have to use glasses to see, so I'm not really watching tv because I'm too lazy or tired to get them out. So I flip though the TV channels and all of a sudden I notice someone walking in and just like me, tired out of their mind, sit on the sofa maybe like 4 inches away from me. And I don't look at them or anything, but I can feel it, they're looking at me, I don't know who it is but I can feel their cold stare on me, so after a few seconds, or maybe half a minute I turn my head really slow in their direction and who else would it be, well I don't know who it is, but I somehow know them and they know me. And he's just like looking at me expecting me to say something, but I uh have no idea, what do they want? I'm lost at this point and I in turn give them a blank look and they're like "ugh, forget it..." WITHOUT SAYING A WORD, they sigh and just turn their head again staring at the TV. Now I go back to flipping the channels and I know they're not watching the TV screen, and I can't see the screen so I'm sure they know I can't see the TV either, so we're both just like out of it having no idea what the fuck the other persons thinking about, it's a really weird thing, I keep thinking he's expecting me to say something, or ask him something, but I'm like brain dead so I have no idea what the hell they want me to say, if you want me to say something, TELL ME TO SAY IT! I don't know what you're thinking about 24/7; sometimes I need a little help. I remember the whole time, for like 5 minutes, my dream wasn't that long, just this little strange moment. And no one else was in the house, or maybe they were just not there, maybe they went out or weren't home yet, now that I think about it, maybe it wasn't 6pm, maybe it was much much later, otherwise I don't get tired from working that much, I can't handle paperwork, using my brain for hours doesn't hurt, standing or doing physical labor doesn't bother me much, so I'm not sure why the heck I was so tired, it doesn't make any sense, unless I'd been up since 6am and been at work all day without any breaks, then I can understand coming "home" at 9pm and expecting everyone to be lively when they're all out having fun without me or fast asleep. The worst part about this little dream is that I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE HELL THAT GUY WAS!!! But I knew him in my dream, but I don't know him in real life, I have no idea who the hell this person was, and every time I have dreams related to this house and when I'm around 25-28 years old, I always know these people and they know me, I don't even know if they are people. Maybe they're ghosts or something. I don't remember what they looked like or any hair color or anything, I just remember their staring eyes, it was more of a glare evil glare...

* October 21, 2009, around 9/10am

19 i'm not sure if this is the right date, i sometimes write down the date and type in the dream info later, but i can't remember for sure, but i think i'm pretty sure this is the right dream with the right date. i was in this park and it was kind of sunny but also cloudy, i was sitting there and i saw a bee, this huge bee, just flying around, first it was far from me, flying around some other person, the thing with me is, when i see a bee, i can't take my eyes off of it till its dead or gone far away from me. here, it saw me and came close to me, started to spin around me slowing, but didn't sting me, it just flew away after a few moments or so. it was strange, i thought it was a bad omen or something, in asian translation, it means that i've been spotted by people who are likely to cause me pain or suffering in the future. or they are enjoying seeing me suffer because of their actions, i think that's true since my boss is an asshole! but in western, it means goodness, wealth, also meaning i'm as busy as a bee, which is also true, since i don't get much time for myself to waste around, i think its a bad habit of mine to waste time like this at midnight when i should be planning for tomorrow's day. i think i just want to forget and midnight is the only time of me to forget all my troubles, my problems, EVERYTHING. just be happy or sad, or empty, but still be myself...for whatever that is or may be. it doesn't matter, i just want time to be alone, and this is the only time for me to think openly and not have to deal with people! i've realized lately that every problem i have can always be traced by to OTHER HUMANS! i think if i just shut myself from the world, i'd die, but if i don't, i'll still die. it doesn't make any sense, i'm tried of humans, they bring so much pain with everything else they bring, sorrow, darkness, hopelessness, fear, sadness, misory, why are humans full of just disgust but still find reasons to live? for money, or materials, or for fame or people. Greed, is that what feeds false hope towards humans so that they may carry on, emotionaless yet still willing to be willed.

* November 30, 2009, around 11am, monday

19 so i had this dream like around noon time but i was still so dead in my sleep, i had this dream. I'VE HAD THIS DREAM BEFORE, a couple times before, its like one of my dreams where i have the dream, but i don't remember it so i forget about it, but it comes back, i have the same dreams over and over sometimes this way. i remember parts of this dream that is why i remember i've had this dream before. using too much dream here... anyway.

* December, 1 2009, around morning

19 i had a dream, but in the dream, it was real like all the others, it was no different from my other flying dreams, i had some device or something, maybe a broomstick like thing that could help me fly or something. but it was like a chair, and all around me i didn't see any thing but the world, and my body just sitting in some chair i think. there was no glass or door, or any buttons, just a lever to my side of the chair, when i pulled it up, the chair would go down, and when i pushed in down, it was go up, and all the while my feet were controlling the back and forth, so i was just going forward and then i'd stop in midair and just look around, it was night, dark night, a little cloudy but beautiful, stars in the sky smiled at me, the moon was half full as i can remember, and down below, the view was to die for, it was kind of dark, like i was in london or some european country, lots of industrail buildings but very few lights, everyone must be sleeping, but still, only street lamps and they were so bright since i was very high. a few buildings had some lights, they were sky scrapers... very very tall, but still, i was very very high. i touched the cloud and was having a great time, the wind was just right, no sounds or noise of cars, just a very congested city zone like place with a lot of dark blue and gray, and black. pretty quiet. and it was beautiful, i was really there, it was like all the other times in my flying dreams, the prefect night to go out flying. just amazing, i remember i slowed down, and stopped in midair, then wanted to go down, but pulled the lever down..which made me go up really fast! the lever worked opposite ways so i went up so high i couldn't breathe! it was amazing. i wish someday i can do that in real life. my biggest with.

* December, 7 2009

19 i remembered today that i had a dream i think in the past week something, i don't recall exactly when, but i remember this one part, i broke a tooth, i mean i've had dreams about loose teeth, broken teeth..meaning going to fall out teeth, but never the tooth completely out dreams, and i did this time, i broke my tooth and it got loose and just fell out, and it was one of my front teeth, so there was this gap now and it was like strange because my tooth fell out, it didn't just fall out, but i think i hurt myself because there was a lot of blood too. i was bleeding for sometime and my tooth was no where to be seen, i don't think i ever found it but this time, it was out, strange dream.

* December, 29 2009

19 ok first, i was in this swamp, like behind this huge dark mansion, theres this dark swamp, but when its just right in mid noon, the sun shines bright and seeps though the think swamp trees that create this dark tunnel inside under the canopy, and this day was just beautiful, i'm actually there, seeing with my eyes, and i'm running over the water, sometimes walking, than jogging, having so much fun, all by myself, but its like there is someone else there, some other young girl my age, 19, 20, we're just playing around, i think she has dark brown hair, i think she is my old self, because ever since i've gotten these highlights i'm very different, i feel happier, i look different, & everything is just newer like i'm in the same world but i never had this type of experiences in this life like i do now. so things have changed, and in the dream, i'm running, jumping from log to log floating on the swamp river, its huge, wide, deep, with thick muggy water in some places, then i stop and stand on a floating log and see this girl jump into the river with a canonball jump. and there are frogs, the air feels heavy with light breeze, i hear the mosquitoes, i hear the fish in the water, some gold, some yellow, some green or brown, small, i hear the frogs crocking, the lilypads all scattered on the swamp river with the tall thick dark trees as the walls of this beautiful unknown hidden paradise after this deep dark dense forest. there is a ocean ledge to the other side, a mansion on the opposite end, & a forest hiding it all, patches of swamp in the middest of it all. it feels beautiful to be alive, i just can't explain the feeling of utter happiness, no tomorrow, not knowing what will happen next, i jump after her into the water where the frogs were crocking on the dark pink and clear white lilypads. and my dream ends. next, isn't really a dream, just a picture of this guy, like someone from chrono crusade, those really tall guys, the demons, with straight spiked horns, not ears, horns, but i am walking up the stairs or something, and i spot him at the level i am, about 10 feet away, at the end of the wall, there's a window above his head, he has dark hair, black i think, or dark red or marroon, and he's covered in blood, he's wearing black and silver cloths i think, i don't remember for certain, but its all pretty dark colors, and the window above him shows that its probably midday because of all the bright white light, the light isn't coming inside from the window, but you can tell its bright daylight outside. and seeing that much, he's in dark cloths, there's a pool of blood around him, which seems to be getting bigger and bigger, i see some women, in white, nurses i think, but i'm not sure, could this be a hospital? i'm not sure, its all white, the walls aren't pure white, but this cream-ish color of they've been standing there for centuries. the guy, is just sitting there, head down, i didn't see his face, but bleeding badly, i can see, he has cuts and huges gashes or cuts on his chest and arms, its like he's already dead but there's like some movement, i think he tried to look up but then decided not to. i don't know who it was, but they were in really bad shape, close to death, don't know, but no one was helping him, like no one could see him or something, and i was just confused, frozen, what should i do? what do i do? why is there so much blood on the floor and no one sees it or him? dream ends.

* December, 30 2009

19 so in this dream, i saw rima, and we both had this closet, and we both had lots of cloths in it, and we would dress up to go to work, so i decided i would go out and get more cloths, so i did some shopping which i don't do much, and then the next day, when she opened the closet, she gave me this look of goodness or something saying "hmmmmmh" and that's like "ohh wow, good job reesha"-type look, yea it was a lame dream..but whatever. This next dream i think i saw Tysui in, i'm not sure because i don't remember the dream, the background was all white, and i remember he walked from someplace to where i was and there was a big dark brown table next to me, and he came over with this huge box, like a present or gift with this prefect bow on it, i don't remember any colors, but the box was big, 2 feet by 2 feet by 2 feet. he brought it over and put it on the table carefully, it looked heavy & i don't remember the rest.

* January 2, 2010

19 weird dream, i was in this mansion and at first it seemed like it was covered in mud, and i was walking though the hall, but then as i walked further, the mud turned out to be ice cream, pink and white and creamy, and that mud back there was actually chocolate, i just didn't taste it, i think the lesson is don't automatically assume something, walk a little further with it. oh yea i also had a dream about this scary night, one night, it was a normal night, spring i think, and i was up at night like i always am, the door knocked, and i opened the front door, all of a sudden there was a long knife in front of my face, and three guys dressed in all black came in, one had a gun, the other i don't remember, it was just scary, but they didn't hurt any of us, they just said get out of the house...i don't know why. i thought i was going to die but they let us go.

* January 21, 2010

19 the dream started in school i think, this strange world, it was like earth but outside it was just miles and miles of grasslands & hills, blue sky with fluffy white clouds, nothing dangerous, and in class there were about 20 or 30 kids, i sat in the first or second row i don't really remember at this point, there were some students in class i knew somehow, the teacher was this young guy but he had white silver hair, and yellow eyes, the students weren't really little, some adults, some kids, some other little creatures, i don't know what they were, but i doubt if half of them were even human, its like this other dream i had where these students i guess now that i know they are students, i saw them at this picnic with the tables and we were right between this clear ledge, one side the thick forest, and on the otherside, a 30 feet drop to the ocean rocks below, it was a strange place to have a field trip at. i don't know, but those things from that dream and these in the class were very similar, the class wasn't really a box, it seemed as if this "teacher" lived in this mansion, kind of creamy yellow old color and he also taught class in his home, but it was very much like a real classroom if u ignored the rooms to the kitchen and living room. and a round circular staircase going up somewhere to the second floor. with large glass windows and the room being so clean and classicalish. it was really an honor to learn in there under his teachings, i respected him but there were others who would act up, the class clowns, i guess, one of them happened to be Xion, i've seen him before in this type of setting or dream theme. but in a school sport, or "fun" time. dodgeball, and in that dream i don't remember any other faces but i remember him. so i guess we go to the same school/class that's how i remember but i don't recall him or that teacher from the picnic dream. so anyway, that day was over and we all left, thats how i remember what the outside looked like because as soon as i got out i saw this amazing view i've never seen in real life. and i turned around and saw this delighting "school" of ours. there was like a pause but then i remembered that the next day when i tried to come back to class, at the door u needed to show a pass, and for some reason, i wasn't allowed but then i was, when i got to the room, i was asked for my pass again, and this time i couldn't find it, there were some other students missing in class, i don't know what had happened, but i heard from someone that there was a fight or something that pissed off the teacher and that's why he was being such an asshole. and it wasn't just between 2 ppl, but a lot of the students were involved so he was being extra bitchy. yea that's all i remember.

* January 25, 2010

19 so i had this dream, and it turns out of i've many lifes or something and i've mostly remembered my school time from these dreams, so in the life i had in this dream, i was around 13 or 14 and i remember this school so clearly like i lived in it or something. there's a courtyard in the center, like a garden with benches, and all around is the large hallways and there are doors that lead to classes on the outer part, and out of school, there's this huge garden of prefect shades of green grass and huge dark brown trees and there are figures made of those grass bushes and its just amazing, the school from the outside is mostly marble and glass. so much green its amazing! so i am walking through the hallway, its the last day of school and then i pass by this math class, and is like in 6th grade, my math teacher, looks the same, and in 6th grade i went to pakistan for a visit and i never liked that math class so i don't have any memories of that 6th grade math class but somehow in this dream, same thing happens, i remember back to the first day of school, i went to her class, and after that, i never went back, and today being the last day, i see her passing out final graded test papers to the kids, i imagine myself in there and its just hmm...did i do something bad by skipping all year long? i can't tell between right or wrong in this dream, i've been in this same place before where im all alone sitting in the center courtyard and its just bliss. and another time where something gets trapped on the school roof, and i climb a tree to get it. so i'm used to that school. it was just strange. another dream i add same night was this: i was at this strange beach, there was nothing for miles but sand, dark clouds, like a storm was coming, lots of wind, but no storm, and the waves were 100ft long but by the time they reached the shore, they were 5ft maybe, and there was a bunch of chinese girls in black bathing suits all of them just laying there by the shoreline waiting for the next wave to come it, the water was so cold but so good. at first i was at this store or food place a little far away from the shore, it was the only thing that stood there on that entire beach, for as far as the eye could see. the reason i could tell it was a chinese beach is because of the girls faces and the food store that was 2 stories high, i went in and couldn't find any people inside, so i went in the back door and there was this hugh steal shelf where all the noodles and fish were, and behind that i could see a guy making some soup. he was also chinese. so yea, and then i left that store and went to the shore.

* January 26, 2010

19 the dream was very long but i will try to make it shorter, i don't remember how we ended up here but there was me, around 25 or 30 and 2 other guys, along the way to this temple which was in the middle of a thick jungle in a hidden underground desert. we made friends, one was a flying girl with long black hair, about 10 years old, black eyes and hair, pale white skin and hovering off the ground a few feet above in all violet and purple clothes. and some cute little anime pet thing i think, one of the guys i think was tysui i'm not sure, so we passed the desert and through this jungle but the temple was so down yet there was so much light all around like the sun was directly on top of it. it was cloudy from above though, so anyway we got down using vines and it was this ancient ruins we landed on at the base of this desert jungle, it was beautiful, there were ancient birds flying around and small little lights in the sunlight rays, it was so beautiful, flowers and moss covered the old gray ruins and so we decided to go inside because we were looking for a treasure or something, so we went in, all of us, and we knew the dangers, inside it was completely dark, though there were holes in the cracks and light got though inside, we managed our way to the top of the temple building. vines and moss everywhere, the floor was so weak and old stone that it was cracking as we walked on it. good thing none of us were fat. so then we reached the top and there was this eye stone with colors of gold and blue. and in the center of that eye i think there was some artifact, not gold but something like some knowledge and it was just wow, it all makes sense, life or something, but then as always, there has to be a bad guy, and in this dream, the bad guy was the typical 40 year old white tycoon in a black suit with a tie and black shiny shoes, clean haircut and dressed to kill. anyway, he was an evil mad genius or something and he had created these robot animals, like robot dogs and cheetahs mixed into one killing machines, but he had others too. so he had followed us and now was chasing us. we ran for it and got started heading down the building. so we were running though some bad jungle mess in the building because it was an open building with like side balcanies but the entire floor was like a very long balcany. so we were heading down but i was rushing so fast that i cut off my left hands ring finger from some sharp plant's thorn and i didn't feel it until i heard a slashing sound. everyone stopped and looked at me, i was like im fine, but i really wasn't. so then the saw and were freaking out, i was like OMG! i was really scared and then tysui friend was like no worries here he picked up my finger and tried to put it back on my hand, didn't work, and i also noticed that i was wearing a ring on my ring finger which meant that i was married. because i had 2 other rings still, and this was my 3rd ring! wow, married, me! ok... so because of that ring, my finger didn't get cut from where it sound have because that ring blocked that and so my finger cut in this kind of flat curve cut and there was skin to attach it back if i could. but first i had to get the ring off. and the guy helped me out, i don't know if tysui was there or not but both guys were trying to get the finger back on, but it wasn't going to work, i was human, so then they were like lets get out of here fast, we'll get you to a doctor reesha, and so we got out and were in clear of the jungle but he caught us and let his robots on us, but the guys destoryed the robots that attacked us and i think i passed out because i don't remember anything, i came to again in a small childrens hospital where they had put it back together.

* January 27, 2010

19 this is a higher school university i think because i live here now, and its the first day of classes, i go to find my locker and in the hallway, the building looks so huge it has to be a university, big wooden doors, and stuff like that. it was nice with clean marble tiles. and as i'm passing i look into classrooms that are just starting, its morning somewhere noon time. and i spot right across from the doorway, i see this guy from black cat, blonde long curly hair, top black hat, with sunglassses and the black dress, its strange why i see these characters when they are only ink on paper. strange dream.

* June 12, 2010

19 i finally had a dream i could remember, its been too long, i feel like 2010 will not be a year full of interesting dreams and fun, i had this dream last week sometime near morning and i'm afraid that it will come true. i'm very scared because i know realistic dreams i have do come true and i don't want to believe this will but i'm worried, i had a dream that not far from now, my dad will decide to put the house on sale, actually, he will file for bankruptcy, i don't want to believe that we're in that much trouble because of econmic and world issues but lets face it, it is hitting us somewhat harder now than it was 1-2-3 years ago, and i'm frightened because i don't want to loose this home, its very nice and small and quality wise, i love it here, and its something i'd miss, not like an apartment but this i would miss. i don't like to talk about myself or my past, where i've been and what i've done but here is something i'd like to tell you tysui, i miss you and i don't know where you are, but so far, your the only thing keeping me in this world, i hope where ever you may be, you are happy, keep smiling and keep walking foward, don't ever stop, because if you do, then i might too. its been too long since i had a dream where you were in it, maybe you've moved on, but you forgot to say goodbye. i also had this strange dream, like i said before i can't remember my dreams lately, real life has kept me out of the dream world for far too long. anyway, i remember seeing 3 or 4 needles on the floor, the ones my mom sews with the treading and all, they were on the flood next to some light brown table leg. and i remember lookind down at them...says needles mean your in pain and longing to clear stuff up. need your help, where are you Tysui?

* August 19, 2010

20 i had 3 dreams this night, for some reason i haven't been having many dreams and mostly just deja vu's and not until that event happens in the present do i realized that i'd seen this coming in the future when i was in the past, so its very frustrating why i can't see these things before they happen...too many deja vus lately.. not even tysui lol! anyway, one of my dreams was where i was in a house's kitchen, and the kitchen was just like this houses kitchen, only some things seemed supernatural, this kitchen had 3 floors, no stairs, just 3 stories to this i was looking up and i could see it. the first floor i was standing on was the normal kitchen, but there was some green coming out of the walls and cabinats. like grass and small flowers, the second which was just right on top of this level, had all cabinats and more moss and green, the topest floor had huge white boxes make of styrofoam or plastic or something heavy, with red rope or tape in the center of them keeping them wrapped up or something, it was the strangest thing because i kept looking up afraid that they would fall on me but they were just floating or hanging from the ceiling there which i couldn't see because they covered all of the ceiling, it was just a very bizaar dream. just a fantasy like place. and later on i remember going down into the basement of this house, and the basement didnt' have any furniture in it, just carpeted the same color of cream as it is now, and the white walls, and then i saw the huge spiders, huge different species of spiders and i tried to kill the small ones but all of them moved to fast for me to kill any. my dream ended. my dream i was going to the beach, its strange i've been having a lot of dreams about the beach and maybe its a spiritual sign the universe is sending me, that i need to go to the beach, there is something or someone waiting for me there, maybe my destiny... anyway i'm there at this store nearby shoping for bikinis. and i'm like no this ones too revealing and this ones too small and these other girls i'm with are already picking stuff out for their bodies...they look like sluts to me. next dream. i'm in a classroom with people i knew from highschool, kids i saw that weren't in my classes. and the teacher in the front is talking away and i'm not listening, i think this dream is a carry over from that other dream when i went to that college and saw this guy in black from black cat. i don't remember the place. anyway i start listening to music and i go back in time to this other room, kind of dark, and i've cut my arm and there's this black wire running from my headphones to my pinki finger and i connect it, somehow i've figured out that there is a high voltage of power coming from my fingers somehow and i can charge the battery wire from the music player which is then connected to the headphones wire and goes to my ears...but the battery charging wire in inside my arm and somehow connected to my pinki finger, its all very confusing in real life but in the dream it made perfect sense and i wasn't high or anything. my right hand's energy was able to charge my music player. so then i'm back into the classroom and the music stops playing and i look at my right hand and there is a huge circle hole in my pinki finger! its like OMG what is this! i'm freaking out but i'm still keeping calm because i never freak out physically, just in my mind i'm going crazy but my body is still relaxed always! so i'm looking at it and i'm thinking i need to get out of here and that's all i remember, the hole was all yellow inside, no blood but just yellow flesh and gooiey stuff.

* August 21, 2010

20 i've never woken up in shock but this might be close to shock from nightmares people have. i've had this dream in 3 nights in a row, first they are just white with some yellow color as i look in the mirror, one of my front teeth, then the next dream they are a little brown and shaking, and this morning i saw that it had turned black and was falling out! it was gross and sick and i was like HOLY SHIT I NEED TO TAKE BETTER CARE OF MY TEETH LOL...freakish dream ever! i can't figure out what i'm doing wrong in life. i'm failing in everything, drowning in lifes realities. i need help, i need a hand someone to pull me back up, but i have no one, no family no friend, no hope. i've been very depressed lately but i'm able to ward off people by telling them everythings fine and good. i just don't have any road to walk on safely, its like the ground i was took for granted has now been taking from me, and i have nothing to walk on, sooo where am i? where am i going if there is any way in space to walk on. people say 100 doors open for every one door that closes on you. for me its more like 1 door opens when 1 closes. and that door opens halfway across the universe. i have to get to the door first in order to open it. long story short. i guess what i studied in mythology class is true, god punishes you even for sins you didn't commit but your ancients did. like if my grandmother was a bad person, and she was, my mother is still paying for her price and me as well... god or whatever runs this clockwork this universe, doesn't always take 100% of the revenge from the person that commits sin or crimes, this god takes his time stealing happiness from that sinners children and that sinners children's children. its a fact and my mother and i are living proof. this cycle is real until all that my grandmother did is balanced by our suffering in the generational gaps. after that i will maybe find happiness. but as i've learned from my mother, she is from all her other sisters the unluckiest person in the family, the one who's suffered the hardest of all hardships from pakistan from the time she was born till this day, its like THE UNIVERSE IS TRYING ITS BEST TO BLOCK EVERY PATCH OF LIGHT THAT FINDS ME. like somehow all my life, when i've been happy from something it ends bad and in tears. i end up twice as much depreseed and sad. and like when i was looking for jobs, they said i had to reapply..and same with my mom, at every job she's applied for, they never get her application, and same with me, they say we have to resend the application, and that's just one thing, i dont' think its superstition because its happened to both of us so many times, different things, like every way we try gets blocked and closed off its just like we attract negative people and when we find a good person, we've been hurt for so long by the bad ones that we don't seem to see them because we're already broken inside. i don't want to feel empty anymore, but there's nothing i have and no one to befriend. i am truely all alone in this universe. i tell myself don't loose hope reesha things will get better, but its been a few years now and things are only getting worse, i'm growing darker and emptier by the day, living off nothing but to see the lives of others unfold. why am i alive, why am i here, in this time, with these people i call mother, father, and brother. who are they really? who am i? what defines me? what moves me? what empowers me? do i believe, in anything anymore, is anything real or am i just living in a nightmare repeating itself forever. i'm thinking of going to the beach but how will i get there, i can't go, its too far away, and i don't even know where to start if i wanted to go there, all i know is that something there is waiting for me, i'm always at the beach or going to the beach in my dreams, its a sign but what for. on top of it all, i miss tysui. i guess that's why i'm alive, to miss something i never had, to believe in something and someone that doens't exist, or does he, i don't know, maybe i'll never know, and in there lies my broken dream, i don't dream of hopes or goals, i see success but its far from where i am right now. with no one to catch me if i fall i only can hope from god that things will work out, that if i trust him enough with this life than maybe everything will work out for the best. and maybe i will meet tysui.

* August 26, 2010

20 so i had this dream around 8-10am this morning, it was almost like a shocker dream, i saw this guy, white hair, violet eyes, face reminded me of...none other than, yes it was Tysui! and it was just amazing to realize that finally i see him and he's alive, but in the dream it wasn't that big of a deal, it was almost like we were on a vacation, just me and him, we went to japan or china, i was around 25. and he was around that same age of sillyness, we went to some old cultural home there but it was clean and modernized with still the custome homes from japan. it was beautiful, 2-story building with a garden roof and window to look at the sky. glass walls, slanted walkways from around the house outside, and there was this long man made clear water stream that started from the roof and with a slanted slope, came down to the ground and then right turned and created this boundry. because in the middle of this water flow and the house side, there were small little green plants planted everywhere, and it was such a paradise just beautiful, trees planted everywhere and the floor this light sandy color like the beach, the house was greenish and blusish with all the plants and the water/sky reflecting the one sided glass wall, just beautiful! i don't remember who was in there if anyone, i think we were just staying in the house but i don't know, i spent time walking around there and on the stream that flowed down across the water, i walked around there, the water was cold. he was so happy and just smiling, he couldn't stop being happy even if he wanted to, so later we somehow ended up at this outdoor indoor pool, its like a pool that's outside but its in an area with walls but no ceiling, and its weird because its like one of those hottub huge pools and there are stairs on the side of this wall to climb to higher levels to jump off into the pool. now the pool is kind of about a family size pool and i don't see anyone except this fat white guy that runs it, so he's in the pool and is like jump in and i'm like no i can't swim, you know that, and we fight over this and he's like fine forget it, and starts swimming in the pool just to piss me off and prove to me i can't do something he can... which he knows that i hate and he knows that i know that i'm getting pissed. so i walk away and there's a beach nearby or maybe i went somewhere i don't remember. but a few minutes after i come back, i climb the stairs, and i say hey, watch this. and i jump straight in the pool. and he's like OMG. don't die. and i end up jumping in and i float to the top and i'm not drowning, i'm swimming fine and he's just ok...i didn't know you could swim, and i'm like i didnt' know i could i just jumped. it was fun. water is so funny. feels like your flying in water because it holds you yet its a liquid and because your body has enough air the water's buoyancy is able to keep you floating and then you can just paddle in the direction you wanna go in, its amazing! i loved it. i also remember this other place we went to, some huge hill bottom, at the top was some scary house and it was haunted or something, and the entire hill was covered with green and trees and plants and just pretty, the slope was almost like human made but it was really a huge hill with a long history behind it. i don't know what to make of all this. i remember there were other ppl i think we were in a tourist group. i remember walking up the hill but that's all. i also heard this name something like FLIPFIL, or FLASIL OR FRAZEL something like that it was someones name and while we were at the pool, weird thing is i was like don't care, calling this weird name i was like thank god that's now your name huh tysui and he was like...uhhhh. it was funny, i think that was the tour guides name. i don't know, anyway it was so great to see him again and he's happy and that's good cuz maybe from his happiness, i can be happy too.

* August 31, 2010

20 devil may cry jump tysui blizzard, 10 kids